Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

My name is Jean and I am powerless against ice cream!

And where is the support group for that?!  :) 

As we know acknowledgement is the first step in dealing with anything!  There was my acknowledgement.  And one of the things I am working on in May my month of movement.  I shall lose weight so I feel better.

I am only 4'9" tall...I know, I know I seem so much taller :) but 4'9" doesn't give you a lot of room to hold a lot of ice cream with it sticking out.  I am not interested in getting to a certain weight number.  I am interested in feeling lighter.  I am on my feet a lot and my feet would be happier carrying a lighter frame. They have told me that in their own way almost every day. And if there is anything I love...it's happy feet.  So I am having pounds move on in May.

During May my month of movement I am also moving to a new house.  I have been so grateful to be where I am.  I was in a panic I would be homeless when I gave up my lease two years ago when I was planning on moving.  Then that move blew up in my face and I had no where to live. I was divinely lead to this house and have been so very grateful to be here.  But now it's time to move across town.

I will leave behind any connection to that abrupt move last time and create a home where joy and peace and happiness reign. 

Area three in my month of movement to focus on...finances.  I am going to be incredibly focused on making more money and being a better steward of what I do have.  I have been in survivor mode for almost five years. Not as much fun as one would like to believe.  I shall fly beyond that with grace and focus.  People helped me and I need to make sure everyone is paid back with interest.

And I need to pay attention.  I had on overdraft at the bank...okay in the spirit of full honesty...two overdrafts because I had an automatic withdrawal switched to another account and then forgot!  That is lack of focus and sheer dumb.  It's kind of like my issue with ice cream...acknowledgement is the first step.

And lastly during May my month of movement I will finish two of the classes I have signed up for.  I have one book finished, one 1/2 way done ans outlines for five more ready.  Domain names purchased.  And I am no closer than I wassix months ago in launching my mini empire.  Hmmm....I believe it all takes movement... any movement beyond wishing and that is May.

There you have it.  My May of movement that I am embracing with open arms and an open heart.  May is for movement. 

And now where will your May take you?

May is the month for movement.

Ah...movement.  The process of action.  That is my focus for May.

Now I have said that before and I have done okay in some areas but quite frankly I have sucked in other areas.  The "whys" of sucking don't matter...movement away from sucking does.

Here's the deal.  I am committed to having a life that doesn't suck in any area.  And if that is to be...well dang... it's up to me.

So how will I insure I will keep moving?  Holding myself accountable is the key.  Holding myself.  Not expecting someone else to do it.  ME.  After all it's my life why should I NOT be the one accountable?

How do I plan to hold myself accountable?  Good question Jean! 

And the answer... It starts by writing down what I am committed to doing.  Black and white on paper.  Cause it is hard to be focused if you don't have a target. 

So by the end of today I shall commit to paper what my goals are for the month.  I shall highlight them tomorrow for you. 

Why will I succeed this time? 

Because you silly goose it's a new day and every new day is an opportunity to do it better. And I plan to make the most of that opportunity.  Here's to movement for both of us my friend!

 

Are you settling?

I overheard a conversation yesterday.  Four people were talking.

They were talking about their lives...one was adamant that they should NOT be settling for what they have.  He kept telling them that they should be going for more.

The one kept challenging the other three when they said they were happy.  It was interesting to observe and really left me thinking about how easy it is to settle and how easy it is to make up all sorts of reasons why settling is okay.

But in the end you can fool everyone but yourself.  Oh you CAN fool yourself for awhile but in the end you know.  You know...and so do I.

So here is my question for you and for me today - Are we settling?

Our body remembers for a long time. Treat it kindly.

I woke up with a migraine this morning that felt like it was going to take my head apart.  It has slowly gone away but the "aftermath" fatigue has set in and I am just sitting with it.

I have had migraines before and usually can pinpoint a cause...I can today as well.

I watched the movie "Impossible" last night.  Have you heard about it?  I have been interested in seeing it since I heard it was being made.  It is truly a stunning telling of one family's experience with the Christmas tsunami in 2004. They were vacationing in Thailand when it hit.

I went a year later to Sri Lanka which was also hit.  I have a speciality in trauma with children and went with an agency to work with folks who were still living in refugee camps.  The country was unofficially at war with itself which only added to the drama.

It all seemed surreal to me that I was there at all.  I grew up and now live again in my hometown which is in Wisconsin.  That I would be a plane going more than half way around the world to offer to support to people was never something I imagined I would be doing.  Seeing my name on a plane ticket that included places I had only read about...again unreal.

But I went and did the work.  It was rewarding, an eye opening and scary.  We honestly had moments when we thought we would not make it home. And when we were leaving it was the same weekend that the guy tried to set off a bomb in his shoe on a plane in London and security world wide stepped up to a very scary level...and we were caught in it. 

People crying at the airport begging to get on planes...it's all a blur really.  All those jumbled experiences and feelings put in a box and tied with a ribbon and put on a shelf when I got home.  I ran a crisis agency at that time and I needed to get back to work when I got home. No real time to process what had happened.  On to the next thing...

I may have put those experiences and feelings in a box on the shelf...but what I know and sometimes forget it that all those experiences are stored in our bodies at a cellular level.  They are there waiting to be triggered.  

Sometimes we get a debriefing after an intensive experience and that can do a lot to release the most toxic part of those memories.  But if we don't have that chance...and a lot of "helpers" folks don't...we carry those experiences only to have them surface later.

That's what happened to me during the night. I remembered a lot that I had forgotten.  There was a bit of a "stress overload" and that resulted in a migraine.  So today I am spending in quiet.  Remembering the good we did and that we all got home safe.  And knowing in that time and space we did what we could to reach out to folks that needed help.

And remembering once again that the body my spirit lives in has taken me to many wonderful places and allowed me to experience life like I never imagined I would.  For that I owe it my thanks and a commitment to treat it more kindly than I do most days.

 

 

 

Look for the helper Part 3

You have listened and listened some more.  You have been present to what the person needs.  Now what?

Step #3  Help people understand the options they have.

Sometimes things are so scary for people they cannot see straight.  They cannot think straight.  Some times they just need a time of quiet and then to be reminded that they have some options. 

There are always options.  I know sometimes in my life that has been hard to believe...there have been times that have been so scary I think there are absolutely NO options but that is the fear and scary talking louder than anyone voice.

That can be a LOUD voice...the voice of fear and scary...that's why you need to be a strong and steady voice of what options folks have.  Strong and steady.  Strong as in standing by...not strong as in yelling at the top of your voice. BIG difference.

You talk about options you believe the person has.  You say it more than once.  If someone has experienced a trauma of any sort the chances of them getting what you are saying the first time is slight. The mind can shut down. Not everything gets through the first time or the fifth time.

Strong and steady.  Strong and steady. That's you.

Tomorrow...more.

 

Look for the helpers Part 2

Yesterday I wrote about my first tip for being a helper...Tip #1 listen to what the person has to say.

Tip #2 is as important.  Maybe more so when I think about it.

Tip #2 is It's about them not you.

Whoa!  That can set you back on your heels!  But it's true.  It's about what is happening to them.  Not your history.  Not your past experiences that may kinda, sorta relate if you stretch it out a bit. 

It's about them.  You need to be fully present to them and put yourself to the side.

I ran a domestic abuse/sexual assault agency for a little over ten years. Every time Ipicked up the phone, held someone's hand in the emergency room, went to a home...talked to anyone...it had to be about them.  Where they were.  Not where I thought they were or should be. 

I had to be fully present in the moment to be with them.  Was I successful?  More often then not because that was my intention.  To be a witness to what they experienced. To listen. To be present.  Once that process is complete you can move on from there.

Tomorrow I will tell you how. But here's a clue about when the first part is done...they will tell you.  If they are still talking it is not done. So keep quiet and keep listening.

Look for the helpers.

I am sure you have seen this quote many times over the last day or two in response to the Boston bombings..but in case you have not here it is:

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping."  - Fred Rogers

The world can be a scary place.  Turn on the radio...watch TV...cruise the internet and you cannot avoid it.  These days it can fill your heart with sadness.

It can help make you feel overwhelmed and powerless.  It can if you just sit with it.

But like Mr. Roger's mom said...where there is scary stuff happening there are usually also helpers trying to make it better.  We need to look for the helpers and actually be a helper when called on.

You never...ever...really know how the world feels for someone else.  We all have our own histories.  Our own experiences.  Our own scary stuff.  Some of us handle it with grace.  Some of us with not so much grace.

I believe without a doubt that no matter what the world is like for us...we can also be helpers for someone else.

 There could be someone right now in your life who could use a helper right now.  Over the next couple of days I will share my tips for being a helper that's actually helpful.

Here's my first tip...and the most important one. 

Tip #1 Listen to what the person has to say. 

Truly listen.  Do not interrupt.  Be quiet and listen.  Not as easy as you think.  Why?  Well most of us jump ahead to what we want to say.  Because of that we miss a lot.  If you want to be a helper it has to be about them and NOT about you. You need to listen to the end. If there are silences..let the silence be.  When the person is ready they will fill the silence and finish what they need to say.

Tip #2 tomorrow.

In the meantime...what are your tips for staying silent and listening rather than interrupting?

 

What do you have a knack for?

A knack is a special skill, talent or aptitude.  So what is yours?  I have been thinking about mine since this morning...

I was reading an article today about LeBron James' fiancee Savannah Brinson.  She held two wonderful events recently where she was helping to provide 100 girls with prom dresses. I am not a prom person but I know how important it can be for young people.  I am sure every young woman there was "over the moon" by the event.

James was talking about Savannah and he said he thinks she as a knack for being powerful.  Hmmm...that's quite a wonderful thing to say about someone in your life.

His comments had me thinking about knacks while I was doing my dishes this morning. I try to make dish washing a zen activity! :) This morning it was thinking about knacks.

Not everyone has someone standing besides them pointing out their knack.  Most of us need to find that out for ourselves.

So what is your knack?  What lights up your heart and shows in your face when you do it? 

Whatever you have been saying you are going to do....guess what?

Today is the day! 

Just do it. 

Quit planning and dreaming and thinking and rationalizing!

Just take a deep breath and take a step towards it. 

Then another step and then another step.

Okay you can breath again. :)  It wasn't as scary as you thought was it?

Now step forward again. 

The time will never be right.

The time will only be now.

It's not suppose to be perfect...

Whatever you are doing....it's not suppose to be perfect.  It's suppose to be your best.  You do your best then let it go.

You set the standard.  No one else.  Things can always be improved but if they don't see the light of day we are all the poorer for that.

So let us see your work.  Enjoy your gift.