Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

Who is that person standing in your way?

Could it be you?!

Hmmmm now that is something to ponder...  Is it you?  It is certainly easier to say it's someone else.   Blame everyone and anyone...because if you put the blame on someone else the responsibility for what happens or does not happen is theirs too.  How very convenient.

But convenience is NOT what we are looking for... is it?  We are looking for a life that makes us want to jump out of bed in the morning...or maybe stay in there depending who is in there with us LOL!

That takes figuring out what we want and then putting ourselves on the line to get it. 

Over the next few days we will look at why we may be standing in our own way. We will identify the whys...then work on how to gently put each why to the side of the road!  We have places to go and people to see.  Life to experience.  We do not need people or things blocking our way...even if one of those people is us..no matter how cute we are!

Tomorrow's why...."we don't deserve it".

Do you want to be a ghost hunter?

That's a question I am asking myself and I think if you are looking to live your life differently .. you need to ask it to.

Do you want to be a ghost hunter?  Let me explain.  If you are a reader of this blog you know I have come through a very difficult period that lasted almost 2 and a half years...as dark as I hope I ever have to endure and I have come out the other side of it.  For that I am grateful many times a day.

As I am standing back up..after having fallen flat as a pancake...I am reassessing just about everything.  I have things to deal with...collateral damage like finances (when you can barely work for two years you have some financial issues to address)...and what I want my life to look like now.  I have a vision that is crystal clear.  Now it's all about taking the steps to make it mine. 

I took a few days off and spent them with the man I love and it was wonderful.  On the way home I met two different women on the two different flights.  Each incredibly interesting.  The second woman and I had a longer chat and she told me her story and I told her mine.  I think airplane flights can cause that kind of sharing with a total stranger that feels somehow just right.

Anyway I was describing how I live in the same community where I directed a domestic violence/sexual assault agency for a little over ten years. I said I run into former clients and/or their abusers all the time and it was hard. She looked at me and said, "It must be like running into ghosts."  I looked at her and thanked her for giving me language to describe how it feels.  I run into the ghosts of the past each and every day.  And every time I do I am put back into their story. 

I had coffee yesterday with a fabulous friend and I counted five "ghosts" walking in and out of the coffee shop as we sat there.  Five people I knew but would never acknowledge...five people including one with her abuser who knows I know who he is and he looked right at me and smiled as he walked past with her.

Five ghosts stories that floated around me.  And that's when the question popped in my head Do you want to be a ghost hunter? Do you always want to be looking around the corner and seeing your past approaching?  Do you want to build a wall around yourself so the past that may have hurt you stays at arms length?  Or do you want to put yourself in a position where ghosting hunting isn't a daily activity?

I don't think your heart and soul can grow to it's full capacity to experience joy when you always feel you need to protect them from the past.  You need to figure out a way to ghost proofyour life. 

Ya need to get those ghosts off your back...'cause carrying them along with you wherever you are going comes at too high a price.  You need to have the capacity to meet your future on your terms without constantly feeling like you are negotiating with your past for some space in your life.

What a gift to be able to put some language around how I have been feeling.  And as for continuing to ghost hunt in my life?  Not a chance...I have more important things to focus on...like moving with grace into my future. :)  More on that tomorrow. 

Any ghosts you have been meeting up with? Are they helpful to you or not?

I would name my first born after you...but that ship has sailed long ago!

That's what I said to the computer tech from India who provides customer support for Earthlink, my internet provider!  I do believe he was taken quite aback!  He mumbled a bit then said, "Madam it is my job...I am glad I could help you".  I told him he did his job very well and thank you! 

I have been off line since July 14th when my modem went down.  And my new best friend from India provided the technical support I needed to get my new one hooked up and working!  What a guy!

And what a lesson...that I apparently need to learn yet.

I was planning to take a break after writing daily for over a year. I was leaving on the 19th for a few days...then boom on the 14th the universe stepped in and said...your break starts today.  It was quite a shock.

There is something about having no control that I am not good at.  This was a test.  I did what I could.  Figured out what the issue was ( with the help from another buddy in India)...ordered what I needed and then had to let it go.  Ah...little grasshopper the lesson you need to learn keeps showing up!

I have learned quite a bit in the past few days.  I am headed in the direction I know I want for my life ... I have great joy in my heart and I have a renewed commitment to have it ...great love, great health, solid finances and a business that provides information that helps us all navigate life's changes and challenges with as much grace as we can muster. 

A tall order...not at all. Just a clear one I can see with renewed clarity. Tomorrow I shall tell you my first step.  What a journey we are beginning my friend. And if I can...so can you.  I promise.

Modem 1 Jean 0

My modem crashed...or whatever it does so it won't work.  It's been interesting...It happened several days ago and it was the first time I have been disconnected from my blog in over a year.

I had a moment of panic...I am truly one of the most un-technical people that I know...and then I came up with a mantra to repeat over and over. " I have joy in my heart...and I have my health...well almost!"  It worked.  It kept me centered as I talked with earthlink tech support in India! An interesting experience but helpful all the same.

I am now on a brief vacation...using my love muffin's computer...and will return home tomorrow. I shall then attempt to reconnect to the internet with a new modem. 

I have faith I can figure it out...after all...I have joy in my heart and with some needed rest I can say... I think I am getting my health back!

Drop the pretense...be who you are, go for what you want.

What absolutely great advise when you are sorting through your life and getting to your state of well being!

Drop the pretense and be who you really are.  I get quotes every day from several sources...that was the quote today from Thomas Leonard..."drop pretense".

Pretense is a fake front you put up...you pretend to be something you are not for all sorts of reasons.  Maybe you have always been expected to be this or that and so you have been even though in your heart of hearts it hasn't rung true for you.  I think we all do that to some point.  We don't want to disappoint those around us who we sometimes think they know better than us about what's best for us.

But you know what...sometimes they don't what us to change so they don't have to look at their own stuff.  BINGO! If you are saying I want something else then they may have to look at where they are and most folks don't want to put in the time or energy to do something else.  "If it's been good enough for me ...it's good enough for you". But that is not always true.  This is not a "one size fits all" kind of world.

As you and I are looking at the state of our well being...what a perfect time to set aside any pretense we have been holding up to the world.  Set it down and let the real you with your real aspirations, hopes and dreams come out into the light.

Do not let fear of what other people may say standing your way.  Don't let the feeling you may find yourself in unchartered territory stand in your way.  Stand still, take a deep breathe and set the pretense down. You get to be you ...the real you.  You get to want what you want. You get to change your patterns.  You get to change your life.

It's not about disrespecting where you have been or what you have done or who you have been.  Now it is different time. That's all.  Now it is different time and you may want something different.

You know what?!  There could be someone standing on the sidelines of your life who has been waiting to see and hear from the real you for a long, long time. And my bet is that they will meet you more than halfway when you step out into the light.

And if "they" are not there yet (the person you want to share your life with, the job you want, the goal you want to achieve)...I am sure "they" will be soon.  Your heart light will be hard to resist. And with no pretense in the way...it can shine bright.

Bo really does know...

" I love where I am in my life," said Bo Jackson. Seems to me that Bo really does know...

For those of you who may not know Bo Jackson is a phenomenal athlete who was a true all star in baseball and football.  He is a man gifted with talent who was amazing to watch....even if you didn't like sports. To see someone excel in one sport is fun to watch...to see someone excel at two...sheer pleasure.

He also was the corner stone of a Nike marketing campaign "Bo Knows" which blew the roof off!  I even have a bunch of "Bo knows" t-shirts. :)  He was all over the place...then he was gone.

He was the subject of an article yesterday in USA Today. I found it quite fascinating. The best part for me was the headline.."I love where I am in my life."  What could sound sweeter?

Here is a man who is comfortable about where he is.  He loves his life.  He has friends and family...and certainly income...but he has a clear sense of who he is and is happy there.  Clearly he is not afraid of what others say about him.  You cannot have his level of success and not be the target of people talking about your every move.  He has somehow waded through all that.  Has the life he wants and is living it every day.

What a role model for us!  Not that we are going to all stars in baseball and football. But we can be all stars in our own lives.

We can surround ourselves with the people and things that make us happy and then we can enjoy the life we have created.  Your life is yours and mine is mine.  I am betting that what we each want is different.  But what is alike...the common thread ...is that we want to NOT only like our lives - we want to LOVE our lives.  The vision we have for ourselves...we want to live it. And we can. I believe that to my soul.

It takes some sorting and visioning and then movement towards it. One step at a time.

I love reading about people who have arrived where they want to be.  It shows it's possible not matter how long or hard the journey. And it's worth every step to get there.

And that Bo knows...for sure.

Here's a key to caring for your soul...

Connection...with other people.  I do think it's a key.  You get to choose the way to connect.  Close up or from a bit of a distance.  You are in control of how much or how little you connect.

If you have been hurt and don't trust people hearing that connection to people is a key to caring for your soul can ring hollow to you.  But I think you need to learn to trust again and connect slowly.  Maybe very slowly...but connect all the same. That's what I think.

Connection can give you a sense of community and support and just pure joy.  I like being alone.  Sometimes.  I have had very public work where I have been recognized by people I do not know.  Sometimes that is lovely and other times it feels like a burden.

And while I like being alone...I get sheer joy from connection.  Okay there are some connections that bring anything but joy...but you'll have that! :)

I want us...you and me this week to focus on connecting with people who could or do bring us joy.  Once every day connect with someone.  Maybe it will be someone from your past.  Maybe you can find them on Facebook!  Last night I got a message from someone I have not seen for several years and it was pure joy to see her message pop up.  I will connect with her tonight.

Don't do this for any other reason than it feels good. And if it doesn't feel good...don't do it.  This is about nurturing your soul...it's not about testing it in any way.

So for yourself...commit to connecting with seven people this week in a way you don't usually connect...and see what that does for your soul. Ya know I'll tell you what it does for mine :)

Cared for your soul lately?

Well have you?  It's a good day for a check up... What have you done to nurture your soul? And maybe a better question...what nurtures your soul?

What makes you smile...say ahhhhhhhhh...and feel contentment in your soul?  Maybe it's been so long you don't rememberr.  Today would be a good day to remember.

And of course remembering is only the first step.  Then you need to experience what makes you feel that way.

I am sure it's different for everyone.  A friend told me yesterday she cannot exist without music. It lightens her soul. So she plays music often and apparently loud :)

What nurtures you like that?  For some people it's personal contact.  For others it's being alone.  For some it's exercising.  For some it's video games or reading or watching TV. Thinking about it...make a list and then make a commitment to doing at least one thing today that makes you smile...say ahhhh.

And then may contentment fill your heart my friend.

Could spending a Sunday be any better than that?!

 

 

How do you speed up and slow down at the same time?

That seems to be my issue today...slowing down and yet speeding up...now the trick will be to figure it out.

I think I have to slow down and not create sandstorms of activity in my life so I can't see straight.  If the terrain is not clear how do I know how close I am to where I want to be?

If I don't slow down a bit I think my body will simply will cry "uncle" again...and that I do not want.  I want to be smarter and use what I have.  I have been getting mini migraines...that is a sign.  My feet hurt every day...that is a sign and my little shingle scar is more pronounced...my last line of warning. So who needs to be whacked upside the head that one needs to slow down. 

Working seven days a week no matter where you are in your life comes at a tremendous cost.  The key is to decide..yes decide... if the cost is too high for what you are getting out of it.

Yet I also need to speed up to get where I say I want to be.  I have been making grand progress but I am still not at the point I need to be to turn the corner.  I know I have come to far to quit.  That is not an option so I need to focus on what will get me there and leave the rest behind.

Not everything that causes me have have a sandstorm of activity is not about me and where I want to go.  So I need to look at it all.  And you know me :) I have come up with a plan to do that this morning!

So here's my idea to do the rest of the weekend.  It came to me while I was getting more coffee.  I shall make of list of "this" and "that".  I have "this" but I want "that".  Then I will honestly see what is the quickest way to get "that"  :) .

Sound too simple?  We will see...

Do you wonder if I'll ever get "it"?

Do you? LOL If you have been a reader for awhile you know I am on a journey.  I got knocked flat by post traumatic stress for over two years.  I am not only down for the count...the lights were out and I was left behind in the dirt.

But I have gotten back up... I am moving forward but anyone who says this is easy has truly never hit the ground hard.  The thing is you have to find your way back up.  People can cheer you on but in the end it is up to you.  You have to find it in yourself to want to get back up. Then once you do... you need to put some attention on not falling again the same way.

I am not saying to be tentative in everything you do. But take time to look at where you have been and see what you can learn to safe guard yourself from falling again in the same way.

Patterns are hard to break.  They are the known. I slip back into them before I even know it.  That's why I say be present in your own life. Pay attention. And I do...then it slips away.

When I  did the exercise the other day of climbing a tree and looking down on my life...I was taken aback at the sandstorm raging. Such a whirlwind that I couldn't see.  Now that the sand has cleared and I see what I have...I need to pay attention. I need to figure out where the sand storm keeps coming from.  I need to change that wind pattern.  I need to once and for all establish new habits that take me to the state of well being I say I want.

Maybe I am the only one who feels they are "walking in the wilderness" with this stuff.  I doubt it...I just write about it. :)

I will get it...and it will be well worth the journey. Lucky I have packed enough snacks for this journey 'cause apparently there is no short cut!