I said this weekend I would tell you about what happened to me. I, like you, have fallen more than once in my life...but this time has certainly been the longest I have been down. And it has been a struggle that took me almost two years to recover from. And I have recovered. I am standing and that is a wonderful thing to say and really mean. Because in all honesty I thought I was down for the count.
I have lived a life that is a bit left or right of center. My life path has been a winding road of ups and downs that has confused many..many in my family for sure but everything I have done always prepared me for the next adventure. I have taken leaps of faith, treaded on uneven ground and walked fearlessly into situations because I believed I could be of help. And I know I have been.
But what I have also done over the years is absorbed untold amounts of people's pain and anguish. Their fears and their grief. Their sadness and their stories. With almost a total disregard for the impact it was having on me. My doctor (who I love and adore...not in a crazy stalker way :) but in a thank goodness such a kind and wise man is part of my circle of life...) told me years ago that because of the way I do my work...I was like a circuit breaker that continues to have all this energy flow through me. He said I needed to be careful because some day my fuses would blow.
Not that I did not believe him, I did. But I did not know how else to do my work. I took that poster you may have seen...It's better to wear out than rust out to heart!
A bit about my work. I have directed 5 non profit agencies. They ranged from disabilities to HIV/AIDS to domestic violence and sexual assault. I was one of the first 26 case mangers hired in the state of Wisconsin to work with people who were infected with HIV.
I worked as a communityy services director for Planned Parenthood and in between everything spent four years as the Public Affairs Director at a TV station. ( Since that experience I no longer make fun of folks who host parades..because when it's you and a float breaks down and you have to filled ten minutes of air time...that cease to be funny!)
In two of my last positions I had death threats. And because I thought I was called to go... I also spent almost two weeks doing trauma work in Sri Lanka with people who had survived the tsunami.
The last work with folks in Sri Lanka came as I was winding up a little over ten year run as the Executive Director of a domestic violence and sexual assault 24 hour shelter service organization. (I might add that in my state the average tenure in that position was two years.)
Again...my wise and wonderful doctor said sometime all this absorbing folks experiences without taking care of myself who come home to roast. I clearly remembering him saying once I stopped working a zillion hours a week, day and night it would hit me. I clearly remember it...I just apparently didn't know the full impact of what could happen. I do now...tomorrow I will finish the story.
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