A few days ago I was talking about taking out the trash...and said we needed to do that not only with my rotten vegetables that had been long forgotten...but also things that have been weighing us down.
Today I want to share a very good technique that can help you get some closure if you have been hurt and have not been able to let it go. Things like that can weigh you down...and if you carry enough of them you may find your self standing up again but not able to move forward by the sheer weight of them.
As a note...I will never recommend you try something that I have not done myself. This technique is pretty powerful and can really help you let go. It's called a soul letter.
Equipment needed: pencil/pen and paper or a computer; metal can (like an old coffee can) and matches or a good shredder.
If you have been hurt by someone or something...you write them a letter. You can write with pencil or pen and paper or use your computer. I have done both with equal success. What is important is that you become quiet and then write to them everything you want to say...everything. What they did, how it made you feel, how it has affected you and what you want to happen to them because of it. Use the language you want and speak from your heart. Write until you cannot write any more. (I used this with a client once and she wrote 15 pages to her father who had abused her.)
The next step is to read it out loud so you hear what you wrote. You are giving yourself witness to your experience with them. (There is something very powerful about saying things out loud. I do not understand the process but I know the impact is great.)
When you are finished...you then burn it..using good safety measures of course...I usually go outside on my driveway and use a coffee can with pitcher of water right next to me...or you can also shred it one page at a time. I like the drama of burning but you can't beat the sound of a nicee shredder if that's what is available!
Most people feel almost immediate relief...the client I mentioned brought her papers with her to our appointment and we burned them. They burned the blackest black smoke I have ever seen. She looked at me and said, "I told you he was evil didn"t I?". As she watched the smoke rise she said she felt like the weight she had been carrying for years go up with the smoke and she smiled.
If you feel a need to...if you remember a few more things you wanted to say...do it again following the same process. The key is to write it... which is a release...you get what is in your head and heart out...and then you burn it or shred it.
You do not share it with someone else or send it to the person. If you wrote something...showed it your best friend and she or he said..."that's not really what happened." You are then dealing with their interpretation of what has happened to you. And it's not about them...it's about you. It's about the impact this has had on you. And only you truly know that.
If you were to send it to the person who hurt you ...you again may not get the result you expect. Do you expect them to call you and say how sorry they are they hurt you? That probably is not going to happen or it would have happened already. This is a process for you to let go and move forward. Let them find their own process!
The process is about you..for you. You have the control. And in a world that can feel out of control when you are down...some control is a good thing.
I have used it many times. I was left by a man I was in love with. Not once but twice! Yes those red flags flying the first time apparently were not large enough. I knew I would never get to say what I wanted and needed to say to him face to face. So I wrote the letter and burned it in my coffee can. I felt better...not perfect...but better and that is what this is all about.
I was thinking about lightness and leaving things at the curb this morning and came across this quote:
"When I saw Nelson Mandela walk out of jail
with no hatred and no bitterness,
I realized he had authentic spirit"
-Dick Gregory
As I read that I thought Mr. Mandela's spirit must have been light...he had put down..."put out to the curb" all the feelings...the bitterness and hatred he must have had about what happened to him. He walked lighter and forward into his life. Leaving what did not suit that new life behind. It is my wish for all of us.
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