Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

Anything shared seems lighter and there is comfort in that.

I read a great quote today..."Remember, we all stumble...everyone of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand."-Emily Kimbrough.

I like that. I think support is so important.  But a lot of us are afraid of asking for it.  We have this John Wayne image that we have to go it alone or there is something really wrong with us.  That is a terrible burden to carry my friend.  It's a standard that in the end may not serve you well.  I am finding it has not always served me.

Anything shared seems to get lighter.  Whether it's carrying a heavy box or carrying a great sadness.  When it is shared it becomes lighter and lighter is good.

I have been on such a journey these past two and 1/2 years.  I said again just yesterday to someone...never in my lifetime would I have imagined being where I am right now.  I suppose that is how it is suppose to work.  Had I seen the road ahead...I may have taken the first off ramp and missed I guess what I am suppose to be learning through all of this.

What has made getting through this day by day possible has been the absolute comfort and support I have gotten from a group people who know who they are. I cannot say it was hard to ask for support in the beginning.  I honestly didn't know what I needed.  People were just there and helped me.  I look back at that time in wonder that I made it out at all.  But I did because they were right there when I needed them. Without me asking they were there.  They made the difference.

I have probably written this before but it remains so true.  All my life I have been in the role of the support person.  I have come to the aid of folks in my personal and professional live over and over.  That has really in the end been my professional life in one way or the other.  I have been the comfort provider.

I never knew before all this happened how comforting it feels to have someone walk hand in hand with you as you go through hell....I can now say this...I can actually shout it from the roof tops...it feels ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!

You are still responsible for walking yourself through whatever you are facing but if you do have someone close by it makes the journey more bearable. And every once in awhile they may be able to pull back that branch that may have whacked you in the head!  And for that...I know you will say thank you.

Feeling like you don't have any support...don't worry...tomorrow we will talk about how you can create some.

A funny thing has happened on my way to making peace with where I am...

I have had a running commentary in my head of the things that have happened to get me where I am!  No kidding... since yesterday when I embraced the idea of making peace with where I am...I have had a steady stream of remembrances of things that have happened.  Things that added up to my rather extended "fall".  'Cause for me...it's never been easy so why should falling!

A steady stream of things just kept popping into my head. Not in a panicked, post traumatic way..I have had those and know what that feels like.  No, this has been different.  Just a steady stream of things that have happened.  Things that I have even forgotten.  Strange, isn't it?

Here is what I think.  It is a test of which way I am committed in moving.  Do I want to make peace with where I am so I can move forward or am I committed to reliving the past...things I cannot change until the end of my days? I think it is a choice we all have.  We get to choose.

Yesterday I was calm and clear about making peace with where I am.  I am where I am.  It is what it is. (Thanks again Andy Dooley- see yesterday's post for a link to his blog) I said that little mantra all through the day and it was very helpful.

Then boom!  I guess the universe thought it was time to ask me one more time...which way are you headed my dear?  After my repeated trip down memory lane these past hours...I know for sure.  Been there done that. And while I believe I would do things differently knowing what I know now.  That is not part of the deal.  The past is the past.  I am who I am because of what has happened to me...the good and the bad and everything in between.

Now with a sense of peace with where I am...I am turning forward.  With a nod to what was and an excitement about what will be.  Okay excitement may be too strong yet...more excitement/terror :). But it is where the action is...the other direction is just a rerun. And I for one am more interested in a first run feature.  I need to find some popcorn...

Most of us don't plan to fall.

As simple as that may sound...I think it is important to remember.  Most of us I think would have done something to prevent it if we saw it coming.  But most of us don't.  I don't think we live in la-la land.  I just think we believe those things always happen to someone else.  Not us.

That could be why the shock of it...the falling...can be as devastating as the actual fall. And the getting back up more complicated than it might have to be.  You first have to shake off the disbelief, then assess where you are, where you want to be and then figure out how to get there. All the time dealing with the feelings that come from actually falling.

Your job is gone, you have a horrible illness, your partner has left you...whatever it is that has happened to trip you up.  There are feelings attached to all of this.  And dealing with them all can make you a little nuts, depressed or worse.

Here is what I think today.  Make peace with where you are right now.  I read that yesterday and thought it was great advise.  Make peace...quit fighting it.  It is where you are.  You don't have to like it - become best friends with it but making peace with it may help you conserve some energy you need to help you figure out how to get somewhere else.

I get the image that it's like a dog chasing it's tail.  You keep bemoaning how much you hate where you are and that's where you energy goes. Stop the chasing.  Stand still.  Take a look at where you are.  Then start marshaling your energy to make a plan to change it.

Most of us don't fall to fall.  We do need to plan how to get back up.

Here's the blog post I read yesterday that was so good.  Check it out: http://andydooley.wordpress.com/2009/07/27/how-to-manifest-your-big-dream-faster

Maybe I should be wearing pads.

Hm-mm. That's what keeps coming to me today.  Maybe I should be wearing pads.  I simply don't know.  I truly believe that life is all in the getting back up when you have fallen but when you can't find that foothold and keep falling or rather bouncing...maybe you do need to invest in some pads to help you until you come to a rest.

I am not talking about money investment because lord knows...that is not where I am right now.  I am talking about physic padding that can help you as you weather this time in your life.

Here are some pads I am using today.

I am making a list of what I am grateful for.

I am making a list of the people whose lives I know I have made a difference in.

I am making a list of all the times I have overcome things.

I am making a list of all the times I quit and how that felt.

I am making a list of all the people I worked with as a HIV/AIDS case manager who would have given anything for another day..no matter what struggle they faced.

I am making those lists and turning them into padding and getting back up on my feet. If I cannot find that foothold...then I will make a new one.

Until that happens...I will surround myself with padding...it should help cushion the bouncing. At least that is my theory . I will let you know how it works.

We all need a witness to our life. Here's to the people who stand still beside us.

No matter what you have going on in your life...you need a witness.  Someone who is the holder of your history besides you.  Someone who can remind you from time to time how far you have come...either on the way up or possibly on the way back down.

They tend to remember things that you may have forgotten.  It's extremely important if you are having a rough time.  They can pull out examples you have forgotten about challenges long pasted that you dealt with.  Those examples can help keep you moving through the one you are facing now.

They are part cheerleader and part historian.  (Pom-poms always optional!)

And as they stand beside us ... we in turn serve the same role for them. We witness, we remember, we remind them.  We stand still besides each other and face the same direction.  There is a comfort in knowing someone has that history.  Every word doesn't have to be said, every action explained.  They just know and so do we.

There is strength in numbers as we move towards our dreams. Even if that number is only two.

I have rediscovered the essence of life...

I have remembered what I had forgotten...love and joy.  The essence of life.  Okay I didn't really forget it.  I just had a camera remind me in a different way.

I have been going through things that I am putting up for sale on Ebay.  It's part of my "going all in".  Doing what I can to make a major shift.

I swear everything I own has a story attached to it.  It makes being surrounded by my stuff pretty grand.  I have a polaroid camera I will be selling.  When I picked it up today I remembered it's story.

I took the camera to Sri Lanka in 2006 when I spent two weeks in refugee camps working with people who had survived the tsunami.  I took a bunch of packs of film and then took pictures of kids and gave the pictures to their moms.  What I had heard from the moms was that they had lost everything when the water came...including all their pictures. 

So the pictures of their smiling children were important to them.  The line went on and on of smiling kids and their equally smiling moms.  I took the pictures..capturing that love in their faces and handed the pictures to their moms who were simply joyful to get them.

Love and joy.  Love and joy. I think they are as essential as air and water when you look at having your best life possible.

If you are living a life that does not have a lot of love and joy right now.  Make it your intention to find some of both.  Life looks and feels different when you add them to the mix.

Ice cream for breakfast...why not?

I am having ice cream for breakfast because it seems like a good idea.  I like ice cream.  No I take that back.  I love ice cream.  And while the world at large may not see ice cream as a viable breakfast food (or my mom for that matter) I do. :D So my bowl of Moose Tracks and I have been having a great time.

As I eat...I have been thinking about how we all get to make choices about what feels right to us and what may seem to the rest of our world a bit insane.  Or at the very least...a bit off the mark.

But that is the beauty of taking time to decide what you truly want in your life.  You get to choose.  You are also responsible for making it happen...but that's a topic for another post :) ! You get to choose and how great is that?!

Choosing and then owning that "choosing" are two different things.  You can choose what you want and sit silently holding that new found information close to your chest. Lots of folks do that.

They spend their lives quietly pulling out their dreams every once in awhile and then hiding them again.  There is safety in that.  There is no chance that disappointment will ever find them because they missed their mark..they are not taking that chance.

But...when you don't risk going for what you want...you don't get the chance to get it either.  While that sounds simple...we know it is hard to take the leap. It can be hard when everything in your life has gone relatively well.  It can be a true challenge when things have been rough.

But I say any dream that has come to you deserves a chance to see the light of day.  We all deserve to see what you've got!  We will be better for it and so will you.

Maybe today you start small.  Maybe today you have what you have always wanted for breakfast. You choose.  I recommended extra chocolate with your Moose Track! I have not been disappointed that I went for it :)  I bet you won't be either.

To the little girl in Arizona...it's not your fault.

I read about your story this morning.  I am so sorry for what has happened to you.  This I know for sure.  It was not your fault.  I am a wise woman.  I know this to the depth of my soul.  Your attack was not your fault.

You were attacked...raped by a pack of boys.  According to the news report... in your culture it is always believed that it is the woman/girls's fault if they are assaulted. Your family, it says, is shunning you because of what happened.

I have no idea what causes people to do horrible things to other people.  There are as many answers as there are people who do horrible things.  But what I do know is that when something unspeakable happens we sometimes look for easy answers to make sense of something that makes no sense.

So what could possibly make sense in this case?  Well that somehow you are to blame.  You are at fault.  You.  Not this group of boys.  You.  It is the easiest answer that requires no looking for other answers.

And not having an easy answer can make people very uncomfortable.  If there is no easy answer...then the horrible thing that happened to you could easy happen to them and that they cannot deal with.

But that is the hard truth.  Bad things happen.  And people are victims of those bad things through no fault of their own.  The randomness of that scares people more than unfairly judging someone who has been hurt.

You may be too young to understand any of that.  You do not have to worry about anyone else right now.  You need to be taken care of.  But maybe somehow you can feel that people across the country are holding you in their thoughts right now.  We are all so sorry about what has happened to you.

And we know it was not your fault.

Gratitude...is always important.

No matter where you are on your path gratitude needs to be a part of your every day awareness.  What does that mean?

It means that no matter where you are..if things are great or if things suck right now...there are reasons to be grateful.  Granted it is easier to be grateful if things are great.  The sun is shining and your world feels right.  Then gratitude comes with little effort.

But if you are on the other end of that spectrum...gratitude may not come as easily but it still should come.  Gratitude can help you recall your "institutional memory"...the memory of your life.  When things are bad...it's easy to forget how far you have come.  And that my dear friend is something you always should remember.

Those memories can sustain you as you move through tougher times and serve as motivation for what it's possible for you.  They can also bring a smile to your face which in challenging times is also something to be grateful for.

Today I was thinking about times I am grateful for.  I thought about how I have been blessed to be with people as they died and I have been blessed to be with someone as they were born.  I am grateful for each encounter...they have added to the richness of my life.

That's what gratitude can also do...help to remind you of what you already know...all the riches in your life aren't measured in your bank account.

I am going "all in".

There is a young man from my hometown who is a professional poker player.  I have been watching him for awhile.  He is doing really well and he is a nice guy to boot.  He twitters things that I quite honestly don't understand when he is on a breaks during a game.  I am learning a few things already.

One of the things I have witnessed is when the players go all in.  They bet all their chips on a pot and go for broke.  They are confident in the cards they have and they bet the farm..or their piece of the farm that is stacked in front of them.  They bet it all and watch the other cards get played.  They are either big winners or they walk away with nothing.  But they take the chance...they go all in.

That takes confidence.  A belief in what they are doing.

That's what I am doing.  I am, over the next ten days, going all in.  I will do everything I can to move past these obstacles that have been sitting squarely in front of me. I am going all in.

The obstacles are financial and some resources I need to accomplish what I say I want. I believe in what I am doing. But these obstacles are squarely in my path. They keep me awake at night worrying about them and then make me think it would be better not to wake up.  It has become such a way of life for me these past few weeks that I am simply exhausted by it.  The time to shift is now.

So I am going all in.  I am pushing all my cards into the middle of the table over the next ten days and let the hand be played.  I will let you know as I go through these ten days what I am doing and the results.

I doubt I have ever played a more important hand.  My intent is to win.  And I believe that is more than half the battle...