Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

How to be the best storyteller.

Did you ever get in trouble as a kid for storytelling? I think I did but I am not sure. :)  I got in trouble for lots of stuff so I bet there was at least one story telling offense recorded somewhere!

What I know is that story telling is a fabulous art form.  There are people who are professional story tellers who can make a work of fiction come alive with their telling. Their expressions...their dramatic pauses...their sheer excitement for the work.  They can transmit that excitement to their audience. 

I believe the first step would be understanding the story...understanding it so well that they can simply embrace every part if it.  They take it on as their own.  They create a world which they then invite the audience in to...

You, my dear friend, can assume the role of story teller in your own life.  You create the life that you want and then you start speaking...telling... about it when people ask what you are up to. You can talk about a life story that will draw people in or send them running in the other direction.  You can talk about hope and your future... or continue to talk about how you have been wronged and how bad things are.

I am not talking about being in denial here.  I am talking about putting forth your best effort to have the life you say you want.  Then you talk about it.

Truly if you have not thought about what you want in your life...this stuff cannot help you.  So today...yes TODAY..before you do another thing...write about what your prefect day is.  What do you want to have, do and be from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed tonight.  Write it with all the detail that you can muster. I am all about the "fancy nancy" extras but that's me! :)

I have asked you to do this many times.  I don't mean to be stuck on this point..but truly if you don't know where you are going you WILL end up somewhere else.  And trust me..there are more than enough stories out there with unhappy endings.  We want ours to soar!

Tomorrow I will tell two different stories about my life.  You will clearly see how the telling makes all the difference.

Now go write your perfect day...then make it your intent to live it...and what a story it will be!

I am already sitting in the front row of your life ready to listen to how the next chapter will unfold...can you give me just a little hint? :)

Be honest...did you like what you heard?

I asked you the other day to listen to yourself...really listen? Did you do it?  What did you hear?

How many times did you say something that wasn't supportive...I am overweight, I am unemployed, I am in a job I don't like...my hair needs to be cut...I am in debt?

My partner doesn't understand me? My kids don't appreciate me?  My dog peed on my foot?  :) Just seeing if you were really reading!!! LOL

Today here is what I want you to do...every time you hear you say something negative about yourself or your life stop.  STOP.  Then follow up with something positive.  It's how you build a new story about yourself.

It won't happen in a day...but no really good foundation does.  And that's what we are after...building a new foundation for the one that either has been blown away or just isn't what we need to build the life we want. We want a good foundation so that the next time the "wolf" blows down your house like in the old fairy tale about the three pigs...the walls may crumble but the foundation will still be standing. 

And anyone who has endured a storm in their life knows with a good foundation...you can build anything again. And when you build again you always have the opportunity to "upgrade" your first model..here is your chance for the biggest upgrade of your life.  And it starts by how you talk about yourself and your story.

Tomorrow how to the be the best storyteller. :)

Brett Favre & I have something in common besides looking good in purple!

We will get back to talking about our stories tomorrow but today I want to talk about Brett Farve.

I read a newspaper column yesterday where two analysts on ESPN were talking about the hits Brett Farve took in the game.  If you saw the game..you not only saw them...but you could have started to feel them.  Whatever you think about the guy...he is amazing.

I love the guy.  He plays with a passion that he wears on his face for the world to see. He has a passion that is undeniable.  Yes...it appears he has jerked the Packers around but if you have EVER been jerked around by an employer...or even believed you have been...ya have to have an understanding for what he has done.

Now back to the column...the two analysts..Ron Jaworski and Jon Gruden were rating the beating he took.  Jon said it was in the 7 to 8 range and Gruden rated the beating at 9.8. I am sure Brett would have rated it even higher.

There is something about having confirmation of what you have been through.  I have no doubt that Brett knew he was hit...hit hard...hit high...hit low.  He has the bruises to prove it and a wife who winced through every moment with him.  Yet outside confirmation...from someone with some distance from you can feel good.

That's where we have a common bond.  I know the hits I have taken.  The high hits...the low hits...very hard hits.

Here is where we are connected.  Besides both looking great in purple :) !  I recently had outside confirmation of what I have been through and that felt wonderful.  I had my astrology chart done...by a very talented and gifted woman. I think charts are a tool you can use to help light the way..and I am open to any tool that I can access.

When I met with her to review my chart the first thing she said was that she was surprised that I was still alive after everything I had been through.  She welcomed me back to the light.  I have to say it was like another cloud parted.

I felt affirmation for what I had been through.  I took the hits.  I felt each and every one of them until I could not feel them anymore.  To have someone "see" that from the outside and have an appreciation for my ability to get back up...was a gift.

It's like having one of those ESPN analyst saying the hits I took were 13.5 on a scale of 10.  Affirmation...it can be good for the soul.

Heh..Brett and I have another thing in common...we both got back up.  Maybe a bit slow..but we got back up and that may be our strongest bond yet.  

And did I mention that we both look good in purple...

Did you really listen to yourself yesterday?

I asked you to listen to yourself yesterday.  Did you?  What did you hear? 

Were you supportive of you?  Or were you the first one throwing rocks? It is an interesting experiment when you truly listen.

You must understand the magic of what you say out loud and what you hear and it's impact. I am not a scientific person...but this is what I know.  What you hear goes in your head...even if you are the one saying it.  There is power in saying good things and there is equal power in saying negative things.

So if there is a tipping point...I would say tip it towards the positive.  You have to..absolutely have to be your biggest cheerleader. (Uniform and pom-poms are always optional..but you KNOW which way I go with that issue!) :)

In a world that somehow seems to love hearing and spreading the "bad" news, the negatives...you have to stand as a beacon of the good stuff...and it starts with the good stuff about you.

Tomorrow...how to really look at your story.

What's your story?

That's right...what's your story?  When you are talking about your life... what do you say?

Today...I want you to listen to yourself...all day. For someone of us that will be a delightful experience...for many of us we will end up saying..what did I say?!!

 What do you say about your life?

What words do you use?  What energy do you wrap around it?

Just listen to yourself...

Come back tomorrow and we will talk about it all means. 

 But you have to know where you are starting from.  And you get that by listening to yourself.

I shall be quiet now so you can talk :)

Asking Questions 101. When you hear YES.

When you hear YES. When you hear YES. Doesn't that sound grand?!

It's what you may want to hear when you ask a question.  Then you hear it.  And you are so use to hearing NO...that you simply stop and stare in unbelief.  Your head may even spin around like that kid in the movie :).  Of course that all happens in a split second in your head...unseen by mere mortals. 

But you feel it and you know what I mean...don't you?  You are so use to things not working out that when they do..you simply are taken aback.  And you know what..as normal as that kind of reaction may be to us...we need to rewire our thinking so THAT is our respond when things don't go our way!

When you have clarity and intent about what you want more and more things fall into place. They simply do.  So then it makes sense that we will be hearing YES more and more often. 

And when we hear YES...we need to take the next step in our plan...not be frozen in fear that the other shoe may fall. Whoever said there are two shoes anyway?!  If you are like me ...I have lost many a shoe in my house.  I actually think Pumpkin, the amazing wiener dog hides one thinking I would stay home. 

So as we go through this most magic year of our lives to date...may we hear YES more and more often. May we expect no other shoe will fall because Pumpkin has that covered and may we move forward into the next step we need to take to make our lives simply everything we want them to be...and a little more :).   

Asking Questions 101. How to prepare if the question is YES.

If you are wondering why dealing with the answer YES would be an issue... you apparently have lived a very different life than I have. And good for you! :)

I, like a lot of people, can get in a place where we expect the answer to any question to be NO.  Maybe we have been shell shocked by life, maybe we have had a run of bad luck...maybe someone in our lives somewhere at some time said expect life to be hard. When you go into any situation with that being your expectation...life does seem to meet you there.

So if we are now experiencing living the lives of our dreams we need to also shift our thinking and expectation around the answer YES.  We should expect YES and be a bit surprised if it is a NO instead.  And note I said a bit surprised at NO.  I did not say knocked to the ground and all hope for the future is lost reaction! :)  Okay... I was there last year but that's over now (see yesterday's post).

Expect YES.  Here is my suggestion to improve work flow...your supervisor says YES.  You ask a friend to pick up your child after school because something has come up you need to deal with. The answer is YES.  You are late on your rent...explain the truth to your landlord and ask to pay late.  The answer is YES. You ask for input for your business plan. The answer is YES. You decide it's time to clarify your relationship with the person who you want to take the next step and be your partner.  The answer is YES.

Now that you hear the YES...what is next?  Tomorrow I will tell you.

Asking Questions 101. How to prepare if the answer is NO.

Asking questions..it's what you may need to do as you navigate your way through life. Once you learn how to form the question as clearly as possible and you are prepared to listen for the answer. The next step is to hear the answer.

There is no guarantee of what you will hear.  Your control ends with asking the question...the response is in someone else's hands.  So you need to be prepared that sometimes the answer will be no.  And that can knock you off track if you don't expect that possibility.

I know.  Over a year ago I put together a proposal of my business plan and sent it to a very successful businessman I know.  I am not sure if I expected him to invest money in my ideas ...but I did ask him to meet with me and talk to me about my plan and give me some input.

I sent him a note saying I was going to send him a proposal that I wanted him to look at.  He travels a lot because his company does work around the world so I wanted him to have a heads up.  Then I sent him the packet that I had worked really hard on.  I then followed up with a phone call a week later because I knew he was in town.

His rudeness and brush -off took my breath away.  I have to say I was stunned.  Maybe it was a bad day for him...maybe he has no people skills.  Maybe the moon was inferring with his planet alignment! Whatever it was..I have rarely had such an unexpected response.

I will tell you it stopped me in my tracks.  Actually threw me off my tracks for awhile. 

Why did it hit me so hard?  Well for a couple of reasons I think ... Number One I was not prepared for the possibility he would be so...un-supportive. I was not prepared for a no. And Number Two I was also incredibly invested in hearing what he thought because I respected what he had done.  Pulled his company back from the brink of bankruptcy to become a worldwide enterprise. In retrospect...too invested in what he thought.

What I know from a very brief stint in television sales is that you will hear 9 "nos" for every yes.  Maybe in this economy it is even more. So I should have been prepared for a no and had lined up 9 other people I could talk to.  The next time I will.

Being prepared means you don't put all your eggs in one basket.  Being prepared means the possibility of a no is part of your thinking. Not your focus...but at least it should occur to you as a possibility.  All the time knowing that every no you get takes you closer to the yes you are looking for!

You hear the answer and then you deal with the reality of that answer. What did you learn...what's your next choice? How do you regroup and go after what you need in a different way? Or who is next on your list to ask?

 Now what are you going to do if the answer is yes?

Help with that tomorrow.

Asking Questions 101. Prepare to listen.

This may seem silly to you that there are several parts to asking questions...but believe me there are.  Once you understand that...and practice a bit...it becomes second nature to you.  But first...you have to understand the process...and hence our lessons in Asking Questions 101.

Today Prepare to listen. Asking a question that is on your mind and then cutting and running whether doing it physically or in your head is rather silly.  And a waste of energy!

If you are going to ask a question...stand still and listen to the answer.  Listen to the answer.  Not listen for what you want to hear. BIG DIFFERENCE.

How do you listen?  You focus on what the person is saying.  You do not jump ahead to your respond. You stay in the moment.  Think that's easy?  It's not.  Many of us get so use to thinking we know what is going to be said that we are not paying attention to what exactly comes out of someone's mouth.

 Have you ever had the experience of asking someone something..then having a startled response of you saying "What?!" after they respond to you?  It's like you are shocked they said something you were not expecting.

Guess what?  People do that all the time...and unless you are a mind reader you have at least a 50% chance of being wrong all the time.

To take yourself out of that game...just ask your question...then stay focused and listen for the answer. I am betting you will be surprised on a regular basis on what you really hear. 

Tomorrow...how to prepare if the answer is no.

Asking Questions 101. Today forming the question.

Welcome back to class...did we bring our chocolate for the teacher?! Okay that is about me..let's get back to you! :)

Today we are going to talk about forming the question...no matter what the question one point is absolutely necessary and I bet most people miss this by a mile most of the time!

The point...know what you are asking for. You have to know what you want and then be clear.  Okay I guess that is two points. Both equally important in forming the question.

What are you asking for?  What do you want? Are you asking for praise or input?  Are you asking for input or support?  Are you asking for suggestions or just a sounding board so you can hear what you are thinking out loud?  See the difference?

If you ask me..What do you think?  I will tell you.  If you say "Could you just listen to me"...I can do that.  But you have to tell me what you want.

A lot of communication goes off the tracks because people are not clear.

When that happens the one asking gets upset because they don't get what they want and the person who answers is either clueless they missed the mark...or confused why the other person is not happy with what they said.

The answer is back at the beginning...know what you are asking for and then be clear.  Doing that already increases your chances of getting the answer you want a zillion times over.

Tomorrow...be prepared for the answer.  See you then.