I took Pumpkin out to pee this morning. (It drives my mom nuts when I say that...but that's what Pumpkin does... :) and taking her out to "wee-wee" just feels strange!)
Anyway... as I let Pumpkin out this morning I noticed that a gentle snow was falling which was actually breathtaking. The earth looked like it was covered with a fluffy looking white blanket. I had about ten seconds of appreciation until the blanket was disturbed by a crazy little wiener dog who loves to roll in snow!
The new snow got me thinking though about telling our new story. What we have been talking about. Telling your new story does NOT mean that you do not honor your truth. Honoring what you have been through and where you have come from.
Telling your new story does not mean covering up your history with a new layer of snow so it looks all clean and tidy. Telling your story means YOU take control of how you tell your story. Where you put your focus. What energy you put into it while honoring where you have been. And honoring where you are headed.
I had coffee last week with a woman. I have known her for years. As we talked about the past couple of years she asked if I had ever thought of suicide. I looked at her and said, "Absolutely...I can think of 3 times when I did. But I decided to always wait until tomorrow to see if things changed. And for me they always did." She said that she was glad I was still here. I said me too.
I honor where I have been. I don't run from it or hide from it anymore. I don't think I ever did run or hide from it but I was too shell shocked to be coherent about what I was experiencing. To give a voice to it. I was too busy surviving it.
But now my life is different...living the story I wrote about yesterday. You can too. No matter where you have been...part of telling your story is figuring out whether you are headed... back to the past or looking to the future. Framing it with what your truly want to have in your life or reciting over and over what you have lost or missed out on. It's about choice and it's about the telling. And both of those things are in your hands.
Believe me...it took me awhile to figure this out. Now I have. And while I honor where I have been...it's not the direction I am headed anymore.
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