In a world that can be crazy at times...this is the thought I woke up with this morning: You cannot fail yourself...you simply cannot.
It keeps echoing in my head so that is a sure sign that I need to pay attention. And of course that also means that I share it with you... :)
Yesterday was my birthday. I love my birthday. I really do. I love the marching on of time. And that feeling of loving it was really re-enforced when I was an AIDS case manager and the folks I worked with would have given anything...simply anything for another day.
This year was different though. I expected it to be. Last year on my birthday I realized that something was really wrong because I did not hear from the love of my life who I was suppose to be moving out of state to be with. When I did not hear from him...I knew...just had a sense something was wrong...and my world crashed and burned and spun out of control for several week when I never heard from him again.
I finally stopped the spinning and with a lot of help from people I was able to climb out from under the rumble and see some light again.
Here is an important thing I have learned yet again. In the end you cannot fail yourself....you simply cannot. You can be scared and you can be confused and you can be tired. But you need to realize and embrace that YOU have to want things to be different. You have to stand up again when you can. You have to learn to be less scared, more clear and take care of yourself so you can function. You...you have to be there for yourself.
You can be surrounded by 1000 people who want to help lift you up...but you have to be the one who cares the most. Who wants it the most. You have to be the one who says...I care, I want things to be different and I will not fail me.
Then you know what happens when you say that? You wouldn't fail and life opens up and you find your way out truly into the light again.
And that kind of present does not need wrapping paper and a big red bow. Yet it is the best present you can ever give yourself...
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