Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

Leading a More Mindful Life...Step 3

Now that you are feeling more awake from exercising (Step 1) and you have taken some time to pray/mediate (Step 2)...now Step 3.

Step 3 is take out some paper and make a list of what you are grateful for.  It doesn't have to be pages and pages.  But you do need to write them down.  Being more mindful of your life is about being more aware.  And even if things are not going your way today...there are some things you must be grateful for.  Write them down. 

Are you stuck because life feels so bad or confused right now...?  Let me help.  You are breathing.  Write that down.  You can read this.  Write that down.  If you have to go back to basics...so be it.  The foundation of being more mindful to be built one brick at a time.

Every day make a list.  Even if it is the same things for awhile.  Write them down.  Notice what you are grateful for as you go through your day and add them to your list at the end of the day.

A whole cottage industry sprung up over the topic of gratitude a few years ago.  It's like all the sudden people realized that we should be grateful for what we have.  If you have lived your life at a crazy pace before...you may not have always been grateful. Now is a wonderful time to start.  Make your list.  Make it every day.

PS  As for Frank..my wiener dog.  He still is not doing well.  We are back at the vet's at 3 PM.  Send any healing thoughts his way...he could use them.

Leading a More Mindful Life...Step 2

How did the exercise go yesterday?  Have you started?  Just asking :)

Step 2 is next...every day take time to pray/meditate.  You get to pick...which or both. 

Praying and meditating is about taking time to focus quietly on what you indeed want in your life.  I am not saying who you have to believe in or if you have to believe in anything at all...but if you do taking time every day to communicate with that entity is important.

I read a book about a monk who was in constant conversation with God.  I don't remember the name of the book off hand...he lead a life that was centered and seemed at peace.  Constant conversation...I don't have constant conversation but I do talk a lot to God. I read a book once that equated praying to calling your father on the phone.  The author said that your father likes to hear from you. So I call often :) and 'cause he has multiple lines getting through is a breeze.

 I have strong faith.  It sustains me but what works for you is your business.

I do mediate every day...or visualize would be a better description.  I am quiet.  I read over my perfect day so I am grounded in what I want and then I visualize for awhile.  Not for hours and hours but certainly for minutes at a times.

It all takes as long as I want it to.  But I do it.  It starts my day.  It helps me be more mindful of my day.  I have found if I start off my day in a rush..I finish it that way to.  Rarely does that feel good.

So Step 1...exercise     Step 2...pray/mediate

PS.  Speaking of praying...we still have not heard from the vet.  So as you pray or mediate today...think about a little wiener dog named Frank running and looking very healthy.  We would appreciate it!

Leading a more mindful life in 6 easy steps..today step 1

Being mindful of the life we have is important.  As I wrote yesterday...this is it.  This is our life and we need to pay attention.  Have I always paid attention?  Good lord no! 

I was living my life at ramp speed flying through my days...going from meeting to meeting...phone call to phone call.  I was exhausted and then got up and did it again and again and again.  "Mindful"...that was not even on my radar as a possibility.

When I crashed and fell...life stopped.  As I worked to pull myself together I was able to look at the rumble that had fallen around me.  I wanted something else.  I wanted a life that I paid more attention to for me.  I wanted to be more mindful of my life but that was not as easy as it sounds.

When you are use to not paying attention...it's like a bad habit you need to change.  Paying attention is the good habit you want to develop and like every habit you want to establish it takes focus.

To help me focus I came up with a journal like page that I filled out every day.  Every day for months.  It is said that it takes at least 21 days to change a habit.  It takes even longer if you have been through a trauma and are working on that at the same time.  My journal page helped keep me focused.  It helped me to be more mindful...more aware of every day.  Because good, bad or indifferent...every day counts.  And I came to realize when I was mindful there were fewer and fewer indifferent days.  And while I still have bad days...they are less and less.

So here is step one of being more mindful.  Every day you need to exercise.  Whether you start or end your day with it, somewhere in your day you need to exercise.  You can walk around the block.  You can go to a gym or you can go to the library and get a DVD or VHS tape about exercise and put it in your player.  (Just carrying it home is not enough.)  Okay you can count going to the library as exercise...you have me there.  But actually putting the tape in the player will get you further!  Maybe you just watch it the first day.  That's a start.  But start you must.  Exercise can change the chemical balance in your body.  That is a good thing.  It can wake your body up.  That is a good thing.

Listen I am the woman who kept a mental list of any sports/exercise related injury I heard of and would rattle them off to my doctor whenever he said I should be exercising.  But alas he was right once again.  Exercise is important.  So do it.  And do it every day.  For a minute or 1/2 hour or whatever you can spare.  Just start...every day will get easier. 

I read a quote once that said you need to take care of your body because that is where your spirit lives.  So consider that you want to be the best landlord possible and give your spirit a housing upgrade!

Tomorrow...step 2 on living a more mindful life.

PS  Frank had his blood tests yesterday.  Now we just wait.  Any extra prayers or healing thoughts please send them Frank's way. Thanks...

Oprah and her ah-ha moments

I read on line last week that Oprah and her company were challenging another company's use of the phrase ah-ha moment.  Truly I don't remember all the details but side Oprah said they had it first...may the best mega company win this one!

Got me wondering if the phrase "thank you" was trademarked?  I could trade mark that phrase and then as we all become more grateful....KA-CHING KA-CHING for me :) !!!  We are talking win win WIN!

Seriously I had my own moment of clarity (notice I am sidestepping any "phrase" issue) this weekend when I was out in my backyard.  Funny as this seems all the sudden it hit me...this is it.  This is your life.  Not when you are get of debt.  Not when you are back in shape.  Not when you have your business turns a profit.  This is it.  Now.  Now.  This is it. 

I think I am not alone in thinking somehow when the deck gets clear of all the problems you are facing...then I will begin my life again. Well kids actually we are knee deep in our lives now.  Our lives are not waiting until it is clean and tidy. This is our life.  Every day counts.  Every action or lack or action counts.

It all counts because we count.  We count to ourselves and we count to the people who know us.  Even if you have been a pain in the butt to someone since you have fallen down...you matter in that person's life too. Maybe not in the most positive way...but you did make an impact!  :)

We need to be mindful of our life...which means aware and attentive.  Follow me the next several days and I will tell you how you can do that...be mindful of your life.  This is it.  Time to pay attention.

Who knew the curtain was already up on act 10...this is your life????!!!

Frank is still sick...and loyalty abounds.

Frank, my dog...the dirt eating boy that he is...is still sick.  We go to the vet on Monday to have some blood tests taken.  I will go of course and so will his sister Pumpkin for morale support.

When we were there last week...Pumpkin sensing the visit was not about her...walked in the vet clinic first wagging her tail.  When we got into the exam room she put herself between Frank and the vet.  She may not be as big as Frank but she sure had his back.

Frank and I were up most of the night...Pumpkin apparently has limits on what she will do...she snored on the pillow.

I like the loyalty animals show to each other.  I am not saying that some animals don't go in for the kill when another animal is down...they do and that is nature. 

I will never forget watching Pumpkin and Frank playing in the backyard last summer.  They were about five feet apart tossing a bean bag back and forth.  All the sudden I realized they DON'T have a bean bag!!!  As I ran out in the backyard yelling like a crazy woman..they dropped their "bean bag" which indeed was not a bean bag but a baby bunny...who I tried to save...but that opportunity was long past.  And Pumpkin and Frank just looked up at me like I was the biggest spoil sport there ever was.  A lesson though in the reality of nature...

I have also witnessed amazing loyalty among animals.

My first set of wieners dogs... Lucy and Ethel were sisters from the same litter.  Lucy had epilepsy and took medication.  She still had seizures from time to time and some were very powerful. When that would happen Ethel never left her side. As Lucy would come out of the seizures Ethel would try to help her stand up.  She would wiggle her head under Lucy's stomach and try to hoist Lucy up on her feet.  Some times the first effort would work and some times it would take a few efforts.  However long it took...Ethel was in it for the long haul.

I knowPumpkin has that kind of loyalty to Frank.  She is there for the long haul...hopefully by Tuesday when the tests results come back Frank and I will be sleeping as well as Pumpkin does...right through the night.

Today...take the time.

Happy Saturday...

Last night I talked with a man whose father died very suddenly...he told me that his father loved to feed bread to the ducks.  His eyes filled with tears as he told me that he had spent the morning going to his father's three favorite spots and fed the ducks in his honor.  I wanted to...but did not... ask him how many times he had taken the time to feed the ducks with his dad.  My bet would be not many times.  It's just a hunch...but I bet I am right.

It gave me much food for thought as I went through the evening.  How much time do I take spending time with the people in my life?  I have to say I am doing that more and more.  Two and half years ago my answer would have been very different. 

My answer then would have been...what do you mean..I have no time...work and more work was what I did.  After "falling down" my answer as I get back up is different.  Now it's...why of course I will make time.  It is adding a quality to my life that is quite wonderful...who knew?!

And spending time with people has nothing to do with having money or not.  It really doesn't.  It has to do with just being present ... showing up and being who you are.  Taking a walk with someone doesn't cost money...nor does reading a book.

I don't know if I told you but when I was leaving my position after ten years with an agency I directed one of my great nieces was upset.  I asked her what was wrong...she said she would not know where to find me on Halloween anymore! I then realized that for the 7 years of her life she had always trick or treated at the shelter because that's where I was!  She never knew me in another setting...this year...she will be finding me answering my own front door.  There is something that feels very right about that.

So take time this weekend to look at who you are spending time with...no matter what your circumstances. And no matter what your circumstances are...take the time.  Take the time now. 

Make it part of your life.  Don't make it part of a story you tell someday about what you were planning to do.

President Obama please invite me to tea to talk about credit cards...I won't fall asleep like Larry Summers!

Larry Summers fell asleep during a meeting with credit card executives who were meeting with President Obama.  Quite the embarrassing moment for Mr. Summers...

But here is my take on it....could be Mr. Summers was up all night worrying about his power bill.  He could have been up all night wondering how he will have enough money to buy food for his family.  He may be afraid he will lose his job and is worried about what he could possibly due next...those $45,000 checks for consulting don't just fall from the sky.

It is so easy to judge people when they do something...like fall asleep during a presidential meeting. Maybe the guy is just exhausted.  The stress of the economy is doing that to a lot of us...

However I drink a lot of coffee President Obama...so if you invite me to tea (though I would prefer coffee) to talk about credit cards...or really anything...I promise not to fall alseep.  I am up worrying about my dog Frank anyway...so we might as well talk.

I just spent $2.09 on a gallon of gas.

I only mention that because of what I wrote on April 13th :).  I did use a few quarters but mainly dimes!!!!  I get my enjoyment where I can...

That is not what I wanted to write about today however.  Yesterday I wrote about finding comfort.  I hope you took some time to make your list of what comforts you.  Today I want to write about how to "comfort" someone else who is going through something.

Here is what I honestly believe after years of working with people who have faced a crisis and from being in my own space of living through my own.  What brings people the most comfort I believe is to have a witness to their experience. To have someone who will listen to them from the start to the finish of what they have experienced. It is the gift you can give them.

Most people, even in the depths of their crisis, do not expect you to be able to fix it.  Most want someone who will listen to them.  Listen without comment until they have said everything they need to say.  You butting in and interrupting to give your two cents isn't as helpful as you may think. (Though your wisdom may be fabulous...that it not what they are looking for.)

If something bad or traumatic has happened to someone they need to process it.  For some people that means saying it out loud.  Others don't want to talk at all and you can get a sense pretty quickly if that is the case. If they say they don't want to talk about their job layoff or the death of their partner..just let them know you are available to listen if they ever need you.  Then be quiet.

If they do want to talk...let them talk and again...this is very important...do not interrupt.  People have a right to stop and start and get things mixed up and not make sense. As they deal with things..more and more will come together for them but it happens at their pace and not yours.

We seem in general to be very uncomfortable with silence and feel we need to fill in the space if someone has stopped talking.  They may be simply gathering their thoughts to tell the next part...and silence gives them a chance to put words to thoughts.

If you are uncomfortable with silence...practice being silent. You can do that by turning off all the noise you may live with and just being quiet.  For some folks it is a totally new experience!  No music, no TV, no computer games...just the quiet of where you are.

It's in quiet that people can draw their thoughts together and that is what the person who you are with may need.  Just remember this is about being of comfort to the person you are with.  What they need in that moment...not what you need.

I had two people tell me in the last two days that they have been laid off from their jobs.  Both people were totally surprised because of how long they had each been with their companies.  I stood and listened to them. I was their witness.  It is what we all need...

What brings you comfort?

Finding comfort when you need it is important as you move through changes.  The ups and downs of moving forward can sometimes make one a little crazy and definitely tired!  Finding comfort can give you an oasis of peace that can revive you.  And the revival of oneself is a key to moving ahead.

What brings you comfort...do you know?  If you don't know...it's important that you figure it out.  If your response is drinking or eating to excess...I would ask you to think again.  Think outside of the box you may be in.

I have nothing against eating or drinking...I like both... but anything done in excess can back to bite you!  So just think of a few other things that can bring you comfort.  It's very important that you think of them before you need them.  Think of them as tools you have available just in case.

If you don't think ahead and are looking for comfort from a place of great need...you might not have the brain power you need to come up with some good ideas. Hence the chances that you may do something that is not smart or good for you dramatically increases.

So today come up with five things that bring you comfort.  Write them down and post them on the inside of a cupboard door.  That way when you need some comfort...you know where to look.

What could you choose?...watch a favorite movie, talk with a friend, have a drink or two (not ten), make some cookies, listen to your favorite music...your list...your choices are endless.

Whatever you do today...make your list.  You will be glad that you did.

Today is a new day...

and that is the beauty of there always being a tomorrow.  Yesterday was a crappy feeling day and today is a much better day...you just have to walk through it.  That is the lesson of that.  Walk through whatever you are feeling and get to tomorrow.

Now everything isn't always resolved by the next day but things can look different.  And that can be a very good thing.

Here is an idea for helping you (and me) get through the crappy feeling days.  Make a box or a file and put anything in it that says you have done a good job, a birthday card where someone wished you well...anything!  I am thinking if I am reaching maybe the casino bulk mail postcard that declared that I am a winner!

Put it all together and when days are dark...pull it out and read through all the good wishes. :) It can help you remember how great you are!  Because on dark days that can sometimes get a little floggy.

 Before you skoff oh doubter...try it!  I use something like that when I went to Sri Lanka in the Fall of 2006 to work with people in the refugee camps for survivors of the tsunami.

I was worried I would be overwhelmed with feelings and wanted some backup for myself that I had the skills to do what I was being asked to do.  So I asked people that I knew to send me a note of support that I could take with me.  Everyone I asked sent me something.  I put them all in a red bag that I carried with me.  Every morning and every night I sat down and read through them.  They helped me more than I would have ever imagined.

It works.  It can work for you.  If you don't have any messages to put in your file or box...e-mail me and I will send you one!  We are in this together...