Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

For everything there is a beginning and an end...it's what's in between that matters.

Pumpkin and I had a very rough night.  For those of you who don't know Pumpkin is my dog...her brother Frank died on May 1 ST.  The three of us have been a family for five years and Pumpkin and I have been dealing with Frank's loss.  Some days better than others.

Last night Pumpkin woke up at about 3 AM howling and crying.  It went on for quite awhile until I could calm her down.  If anyone who says dogs can't cry...you are mistaken. Cry she did.  I am sure our house is filled with his scent.  Maybe last night she smelled that scent and that caused her to remember even as she slept that he is gone. Her grief continues to be wide and deep.

This morning it had me reflecting on the time I spent dealing with grief and loss on almost a daily basis.  I was one of the first case managers hired in my state in the 1980's to work with people who were infected with HIV/AIDS.  Just about everyone on my caseload died.  It was early in the epidemic.

When I was interviewed for the position by a man I knew...he asked me what experience I had with death and people dying.  He said he did not know my background and maybe I had personal experience with death and loss and maybe I didn't.  I responded that I didn't have any personal experience and I guess we would both find out at the same time how I would deal with it.

What helped me the most in the days was a book...whose title escapes me at the moment (I will find it though for you) which talked about everything having a beginning and an end and what is in the middle is what matters.  No matter how long a time there is in between...that is what matters.

That was how I framed living for lots of my clients...it was the time in between that mattered...not it's length measured in months and years. 

I have used that sense of measurement in many things over the years...and now I do it with the death of Frank.  His life had a beginning and an end.  That part in between is what counted and that time was filled with jumping and sleeping and chewing rawhide bones...chasing his sister and jumping on me.

That time all mattered and it is what I am choosing to remember today...not the ending...the in between.

Every day you get a new beginning!

What an incredible gift!  Every day is a new beginning or can be if we let it.

I saw a wedding party this morning and they were talking about the bride and groom starting a new life, a new beginning today.  I thought...heh...we can all have a new beginning today and it does not have to involve a big, poofy dress! :)  Of course what you wear is certainly your option :)

So how do you let today be a new beginning for you?  The first step would be to let go of yesterday.  If something happened that you didn't like...let it go.  Leave it in yesterday and look at what you can make of today.  Sounds easy doesn't it?  But we who have fallen know it's not quite that easy. But maybe it could be.

Here's a thought.  If we focus on every day and the steps we can take building the life we want then we are focused in the now and what's ahead rather than looking back.  New beginnings are not found behind us.  They are in front of us.  Now that's a thought to put on the wall!!!!

So maybe every new beginning starts with clarifying your sense of direction...which way are you headed...back to the past or looking towards the future where new beginnings are bound to be found.

It's all about choice...and a sense of direction.  If you are still not sure which way you are going...let's chat tomorrow.  See you then?

It's true...gratitude and anxiety cannot occupy the same space!

I have always read that gratitude and anxiety cannot occupy the same space.  It was a thought out there that seemed to make sense...but I had never experienced it.  This morning I have and I am here to tell you it is true!  Those two opposite "states" cannot exist in the same space at the same time.  That is good to know...

I woke up this morning with a sense of anxiety that just stayed with me through my meditation and even cleaning.  I could not shake it.  (Note to self:  Stay away from anyone who says moving forward in your life is a straight line!)

Then I remembered the notion that anxiety and gratitude cannot occupy the same space.  So I immediately started to say out loud everything I am grateful for..my mom, my dad, my sisters, my brother, Pumpkin, my friends (which I said by name)...you know...everything that came to me.  And I am happy to say the list of people and things I am grateful for just kept coming.  What I observed in myself was that I became calmer as I focused on the gratitude and the anxiety subsided.  What a wonderful tool to have available!

So the next time you find yourself getting anxious...just start saying what you are grateful for..out loud if you can so you can hear yourself but I am thinking it will work if you say them silently too.  No need to have the person next to you on the bus think you are a little off!  :)  I always prefer to keep folks guessing about that and not them any proof!!!!  :)

So here's to a great "tool" we all have available whenever we need it...gratitude.

What's your new "normal"?

Any interesting question don't you think?!  I have been pondering it all morning.

When you go through a transition...whether you planned for it or whether it was "visited on you" what was considered normal for you can radically change. What was normal for you a month ago or a year ago may not be your new normal.  It is not a good thing or a bad thing..it is just what is.

I never realized it until I was reading an interview in a magazine last night...and the person said she was living a "new normal" for her. ( I don't remember who said that but I will find it again and give her credit for raising the question for me.)  :)

My new normal is a slower pace.  I am not working like a crazy person carrying boxes of undone work home every night.  I work the majority of the time from my home.  I take time to meditate every morning. I am working on my own business.  I spend time with my family and friends. 

I have coffee (or warm light tan liquid as I like to call it) every morning with my mom and dad.  We play cards every Saturday night.  My dog Pumpkin and I are making adjustments because of the death of her brother Frank.  I am taking more time to sit with Pumpkin and enjoy her...not being as irritated that she wants to sit on my lap all the time as I write.

Having cash flow is a constant factor in my "new normal" but I am focused on that turning around in the very near future so the flow is.....hmmmmm... well.... flowing.

My new normal also includes a better appreciation that life is what we make it no matter what has happened to us and that it is indeed fragile no matter who you are.  So it's important to make the best use of our time and talents in a sane way that makes life better for all of us. 

This is my new normal.  What does yours look like?

We, who are resilient... don't melt!

It is raining here this morning.  Great weather for ducks if you know any!  I just stopped by my parents house which I do every morning and my mom said as I left, "Don't melt".

In my head I responded, "We  who are resilient do not melt..we may bend and look a little battered...but we do not melt away!  I have no idea where that came from!! My head some days seems to be an amazing place! Never the less what I thought is true.

Being resilient to meet the challenges we face if we have fallen down is not about melting away...it requires finding the inner strength we have deep inside of us to get back up.  Maybe we have not had to use that strength for awhile.  Maybe our life was lived in such a way that it was not required.  Or maybe that inner strength was so tested it simply exhausted itself for awhile and has been on an extended break!

Once it is recharged like any good battery ... it is good to go again.  And we will be back.

For me the idea of melting always brings to mind the Wizard of Oz and the witch melting.  I like to think that we all who have fallen have been given a waterproof cape that we can use at will.  We can pull it over us as the downpour of stuff raining down on us starts and stay tucked beneath it until the sun breaks through the clouds and the storm finally subsides.

And as the sun starts to shine  again we stand up looking very good, recharged and ready to walk forward into what we say we want.  Resilient and dry...a very powerful combination even flying monkeys would appreciate!

Don't forget to remember where you have been.

It is easy to forget how far we have come.  Usually we measure everything by how far we have to go.  Rarely do we sit back and congratulate ourselves on how far we have come.  It's important to do that.

It's important for a couple of reasons.  Number one it can be very motivating to see what you have accomplished.  You can use that motivation for the next part of your journey.  I did "this" so I can surely do "that". 

It's important too because it helps us remember that life is a process.  We go from here to there usually one step at a time.  Some things happen in grand sweeps of activity but life usually is a little more deliberate than that.  Step by step we get there.

And remembering can also place you in a state of gratitude.  It's easy to forget struggle and pain once it has pasted.  But we need to be grateful for coming through whatever it was. 

There are people who do not make it through tough times.  If you have made it this far..be grateful.  I am.  And that I do not want to ever forget.

Don't get so comfortable with disappointment that you don't give joy another try!

This seems to be a movie weekend.  I watched Last Chance Harvey last night.  The movie stars Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson.  At one point Emma's character Kate says that she is so comfortable with disappointment that she does not know if she wants to risk being happy again.

Ever have a moment when something strikes such a chord with you that you reach for paper so you can write it down? I had that moment with that comment.  I wondered how often that happens...

Disappoinment can be a rut...one gets so use to how things are that one just settles there even if it's not what you say you want. Maybe you tried to do something or to be something else once or twice but when things didn't work out you stopped trying.  Missing a goal can feel horrible.  It can feel even worse if you are already down.  But disappointment can become a familiar companion...one you can get comfortable with.

Deciding to get up again is a big deal.  Then if you are not successful again...more disappointment.  It can and does happen that way sometimes.  And you can get yourself in a mindset that says this is what life is for me now.  There can be a strange kind of comfort in that.

But I believe there are those times when things can go right...very right.

The heavens conspire and everything falls into place and the clouds part and there is joy in the air.  I believe that is possible and does happen.  But those experiences are not delivered to your door by some pizza delivery guy or gal.  You have to go out and live your life.

I am the first to say lately those cloud parting experiences have been a bit sparse...but that does not mean that they are not just right around the corner.  But you and I have to be willing to go look for them. 

Kick off disappointment like a pair old worn out, ill fitting shoes. Look for a better fit...maybe something in a ruby slipper.  I have heard they can take you on quite an adventure and we all deserve that...along with all the joy they will bring with them.

It's time to say goodbye...

the time has come.  No more excuses.  It is time to say goodbye to whatever is not serving you.  Serving you in moving forward to the life you want. 

It's hard to walk into your life if you continue to let the past drag you backwards.  It's a push-pull that can keep you stuck right where you are.  And if you are happy where you are...you would not be reading this!

So say goodbye.  Say goodbye to the partner who is no longer in your life.  Say goodbye to the job you no longer have.  Say goodbye to that community commitment that you continue to do out of obligation...not joy.  Say goodbye.  Say goodbye to the excuses for not losing that extra weight you are carrying.  Say goodbye to all the judgments you have about your current financial situation.  Say goodbye.

How do you say goodbye?  Glad you asked.  Write a letter to whatever you are saying goodbye to.  Write it down.  Say goodbye.  Write everything you need to say...what it gave you, what it cost you, what you will miss, what you won't miss.  Write a letter to each thing or person.  Then safelyy burn it.  That's right... burn it in the sink or in an old can.  Your other choice is ripping it up into little pieces.  Either way works but I am so attracted to the burning!  :)  The key is in the writing...it is not about sending it.

If you still feel loaded down by it after writing once...you may have to write more than one time.  Do it until you feel you have said everything you needed to.  I had a dream about a former employee last week.  I didn't even know I still had any feelings connected to her.  But I do so I am writing her a letter today...and burning it.

I am not doing it for her.  I am doing it for me.  Writing is a release of emotion and feelings that you hold.  Releasing them...saying goodbye to them is the only way to let them go.  And letting go of them is so very important  if we are going to walk in our new life with our hands free to embrace what is ahead of us.

So take time this weekend to say goodbye.  Only then will you truly be ready to hello to what is coming next. :)

Some times it's okay to do nothing...

That's where I am this afternoon.  I was up early yesterday to meet all my commitments and finished after 9 PM last night.  Was up early to clean and then had breakfast out with my once a month breakfast club this morning.

So this afternoon Pumpkin and I are watching movies and laying on the couch.  It's raining out and the only thing that would make this perfect is Frank being here with us.  But in his own way he is...

May you be enjoying your Saturday too.  See you tomorrow.

Take time to thank a veteran for their service.

It's Memorial Day weekend and for many people it's about kicking back, grilling and just relaxing.  But none of that could happen...or whatever it is you are planning or even not planning to happen... if it were not for the service that men and women have provided in the military and I want to remind you to thank any veterans and their families that you know this weekend for their service.  It's important.

I say "and their families" because we all know the entire family ends up serving one way or another.

I was doing "poppy duty" as I call it this morning.  The American Legion Auxiliary has poppy day where they have poppy flowers that veterans have made available for the public.  You don't sell them...you just stand there and people can donate money and you give them one.  Not hard but less and less people help and so there I was at one of the local grocery stores for four hours this morning.

You can almost tell when the person is a veteran.  They will stop and thank you for doing it and I always say it's my pleasure and thank them for their service.  Sometimes they look a bit surprised at being thanked.  Then I say it again...how much what they did is appreciated.  Because it is.

I don't want to get into should our military be in certain places or not.  Should we have fought certain wars or not.  That is not the point.  The point is that we have the freedoms we have because men and women have served our country and served it well.  So this Memorial Day weekend thank the veterans you know and their families for their service.

And if you go by any veterans group selling poppies...donate money to them.  After saying "thank you"...it's the next best thing you can do today.