Pumpkin and I had a very rough night. For those of you who don't know Pumpkin is my dog...her brother Frank died on May 1 ST. The three of us have been a family for five years and Pumpkin and I have been dealing with Frank's loss. Some days better than others.
Last night Pumpkin woke up at about 3 AM howling and crying. It went on for quite awhile until I could calm her down. If anyone who says dogs can't cry...you are mistaken. Cry she did. I am sure our house is filled with his scent. Maybe last night she smelled that scent and that caused her to remember even as she slept that he is gone. Her grief continues to be wide and deep.
This morning it had me reflecting on the time I spent dealing with grief and loss on almost a daily basis. I was one of the first case managers hired in my state in the 1980's to work with people who were infected with HIV/AIDS. Just about everyone on my caseload died. It was early in the epidemic.
When I was interviewed for the position by a man I knew...he asked me what experience I had with death and people dying. He said he did not know my background and maybe I had personal experience with death and loss and maybe I didn't. I responded that I didn't have any personal experience and I guess we would both find out at the same time how I would deal with it.
What helped me the most in the days was a book...whose title escapes me at the moment (I will find it though for you) which talked about everything having a beginning and an end and what is in the middle is what matters. No matter how long a time there is in between...that is what matters.
That was how I framed living for lots of my clients...it was the time in between that mattered...not it's length measured in months and years.
I have used that sense of measurement in many things over the years...and now I do it with the death of Frank. His life had a beginning and an end. That part in between is what counted and that time was filled with jumping and sleeping and chewing rawhide bones...chasing his sister and jumping on me.
That time all mattered and it is what I am choosing to remember today...not the ending...the in between.