Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

My steps to thrive!

I am determined to figure this out...the thriving vs just surviving.  The steps I am going to list the next several days are the ones I will follow with great focus and determination until the end of the year. 

I will spell them out...then keep you abreast of my progress. I will let you know what works and what doesn't.  And if you can gain some insight into your own journey...we will both be better off.

It may not be pretty but it will be real.

Step one tomorrow.

I am glad that I have survived but I am more than ready to thrive!

When I started this blog months and months ago...I said I would be candid and share my journey getting back up after quite a "fall" in my life.  It's my commitment to keep doing that so in that spirit let me say...

I am so very grateful that I survived my post traumatic stress and come out the other side.  But I am more than ready to thrive now!

Somehow I must be standing in my own way and I am determined over the next few days to figure it out.  Figure out how you leap from survival to thriving.

Drew Barrymore said in the latest issue of Ali magazine ... "If you are going to go through hell I suggest you come back learning something".  Well I have been through my own version of hell and I have learned quite a bit.  Things I share with you along the way.

Now over the next few days I am going to focus on all the stuff we have talked about and that I do and make it my intent to thrive.

Surviving is exhausting.  I work 4 part time jobs...two at not even minimum wage... to try to make ends meet as I work on my business.  The ends can see each other but they are not close to meeting yet.  That is survival.  I am ready to thrive.  I am ready to figure it out because I apparently have not yet.

I wrote months ago about how it bugs me when people say they were really down...big debt...things in chaos and now they have a fabulous life but they forget the middle part.  How they got from point A to point B.  What happened in between.  I am commitment to letting you know how that middle part happens...I am certainly not there yet.

As I come closer to figuring it out I will continue to share that with you.  If I can help shorten your way back to thriving...it will be my pleasure. 

I think anyone who has truly taken this journey welcomes the chance to share the lessons they have learned. That's why I write.  Maybe it makes me feel like it was somehow worth it...that if someone else can gain something from what has happened and how I navigated my way through it...that can be a good thing that can come out of my trip through hell.

And maybe that is just one big fat rationalization but it's one I will take.

Appreciate everything around you. Celebrate today, don't wait till tomorrow.

That's the sign I have in my house.  Now I am the first to say some days that feels like a stretch.  Especially if your life feels challenged like mine does some days.  But the bottom line is that life is very fragile and today is what we have.  There are no guarantees for tomorrow. Today...that's what we have. And as we all know...things can change in an instant.

A friend of mine went for coffee this week.  When she came home she said the sheriff's department and their chaplain were in her driveway.  Her 18 year old son was killed on his way to his new job.  Life has changed for her in an instant.

It could change like that for any of us.  It's a reminder to get rid of what is unimportant in our lives and focus on what is important.  Appreciate what is good.  Tell the people we care care how important they are to us.  Do it today and don't wait.

Drop a note to someone you have been thinking about but never find the time to connect with.  Today is the day to make the time to do it. 

We can be all about what's ahead of us...our dreams and goals...but remember to take time to appreciate what's around you right now.  It may be more amazing than you think...

I almost hit a boy today...

This morning ...in the dark...I was pulling out of my driveway. I leave every morning, seven days a week to go cleaning between 4 AM and 6 AM depending on the day. There are no street lights where I live and I think I looked...but I cannot be sure.  As I got to the bottom of the driveway ...there he was standing at the side of my car waving me to go on past him.  I did not see him before that second...looking at him through the side window.

To say it scared me is an understatement. I could have hit him.  I never saw him.  I was thinking about other things and missed the opportunity, the responsibility really to be a very cautious driver.

It has been on my mind ever since.  The lesson is bigger than safe driving.  The lesson is if you are not focused on what you are doing...opportunities could be right in front of you...or at your side and you may not see them until it's too late.

The goal is not to be hyper vigilant so you live your life in hyper mode.  But your goal and mine should be to be present and aware so we can see what's around us.  Whether it's a new idea, someone to partner with...or a boy who is out for an early morning walk.

Recovery has it's own timeline.

I read one of those advise columns yesterday in the newspaper.  Someone wrote in about their friend who seemed to be taking a long time to get over something that the writer thought was no big deal...It got me thinking...

I am always amazed at how people who have never experienced your issue have great ideas on how long those issues should affect you.  Maybe that comes out of their need to be helpful...helping to push you to a different space.

I think part of it is out of their feeling uncomfortable if you are in a place they cannot help you with.  Or a place that they cannot understand.

What I know is that no amount of pushing or cajoling can get you to where you are going any faster.  Take whatever time you need.  You will get where you need to go in your own time.

Whether it is grief and loss you are dealing with...or some kind of life event that has shaken you to your roots.  Trust yourself to be your own best guide and your own best clock watcher.

It's the day after that counts...

The day after you have a mini meltdown is more important than the mini meltdown day. 

Everyone has days that simply go off the tracks...mine did yesterday.  Good lord...one thing after another until it felt like a runaway train. 

But that was then...and today is a new day.  How you deal with the next day is very important.  Do you simply spend the next 24 hours reliving the train wreck...robbing you of the power of today?  Or you do look at today as a new chance to move forward with grace :) ?

Reliving the day..keeps the circumstances alive...taking your energy.  Turning your attention to today and what it offers keeps yesterday (and all it's adventures) in the past where it belongs.

Here's to some better tracks today!

When things start spinning...put your foot out to slow it down.

Yes...my day started spinning and spinning and I had to put my foot out to slow it down.

I didn't sleep well so I was already behind.  I ran home to change clothes and get ready for job two.  As I was leaving...couldn't find my keys. 

 Finally found a car key that was apparently just a key that unlocks the car door...but it doesn't let you drive the car!  Well who knew?!  So I drove five feet and my car stopped dead.  Panic in the street as my car was blocking the street.

My brother and nephew came...pushed my car out of the way to the curb.  Gave me a ride to work for which I was 20 minutes late. Yikes..........

I am now home...I have my foot out and my world will stop for the next few hours.  I need to stop spinning.  I need to think clearer.  Spinning don't help you solve anything.  It just gets you dizzy and my morning was dizzy enough thank you.

What exactly will make you happy?

Do you know?  What exactly will make you happy? How do the stars have to line up..what do you need in your life?  Have you ever really thought about it?

Of course "happy" is a state of mind but lots of people connect being happy with reaching a goal or having something or someone in their life.

I ask the question because I had a conversation with someone today.  For the last year and a half she has complained on a pretty regular basis about her partner.  He was...blah, blah, blah.  I listened and tried to be supportive.

Well low and behold today we talked and she complained nonstop about him again and the kicker is...he is doing exactly the opposite of what he had been doing for the last year and a half!  He was doing everything he wasn't doing before.  Everything she wanted him to do.  And all she did was complain.  I listened...then said...what exactly would make you happy?

I then pointed out what I just told you.  She was quiet for a minute and then laughed. 

But you know what...I don't think it's funny.  It's a trap you can fall in...get comfortable in and live your life in this state of just complaining. It's not the quality of life I am looking for.  I hope you are looking for more too.

So...what exactly would make you happy?

I have lost 30 pounds in 3 days. Your results may vary.

To my soul I  have lost 30 pounds in 3 days.  Honestly truly I have.  Now your results may vary.  But if you follow my plan...I guarantee you will lose weight too.

What kind of weight are we talking about here?  The kind of weight that can drag your soul down and make it almost impossible for you to move forward.  It's psychic weight. The weight you carry with you as sure as you are standing where you are. 

Hear me out before you blow me off...

Do you think you don't feel the weight of the disappointment and hurt you carry?  Do you think you don't carry the weight in your voice or in the look on your face?  Do you think it does not affect how you carry yourself...how you move around in the world?  I am here to tell you that it does...you simply may not even notice it anymore because it has become such a given in your life that you accept it as your "normal" weight now.

I am here to tell you that you can shed that weight.  I feel like my loss has been at least 30 pounds in 3 days.  I feel lighter and yesterday...actually around 5 PM... I noticed I was walking lighter and my heart was simply filled with a lightness that I wanted to bottle!

Here is what I have done...for three days I have followed this plan.  I will follow it again for three more to continue to test my results...but like any good researcher I have decided to share my preliminary results.

So here they are...3 day plan = 30 loss of psychic weight.

Here's what I did:

Day 1...look for any gift that comes your way.  Be focused.  Anything that comes your way. Someone smiles at you.  Someone opens the door, someone lets you go ahead of them in line. Gives you their seat on the bus.  Someone says you look nice...someone offers to buy you a windshield wiper because they notice yours is broken!

Day 2...you be the gift in everyone's life today that crosses your path.  You do things all day long that are simply nice.  You compliment your partner.  You get up and make breakfast.  You pick up your own socks!  You don't push ahead in line.  You offer to help a co-worker who seems overwhelmed.  You be the person folks think about at night as they reflect on their day and say...gosh that was thoughtful.

Day 3...listen to how you talk about yourself and your life. Listen with an ear to really hear what you say.

What I found as  Day 3 went on...fueled by the first two days...was that my talk was now and future focused.  I actually had a delightful conversation with someone over coffee where I did talk about the past...as in how I got where I am but it was in the context...not in the context of carrying the psychic weight of it anymore.

Here is the magic in it...when you are focused...truly focused on now...which my experiment is all about...you have to put down the weight of the past. You simply cannot give your attention to two directions at the same time. The past and the now. You may be good but even you my dear are not that good!!! 

I am lighter...I would say 30 pounds worth so far.  I can feel it in my soul.  I can feel it in how I am carrying myself. I swear I feel like I am glowing :)  I think it is coming from a place deep inside of me that can finally breathe again..a place that has been there all along but a place that was covered with...ahh about 30 pounds of psychic weight.

Who knew losing weight could feel so absolutely fabulous?!

Give me plan a try and see what happens for you. No matter what your results...they will be good.  All good.  That I am sure.

Today I want you to listen to yourself.

Here is your assignment for today...listen to yourself.  Listen to what you say.  Listen for your tone...listen for the topics you discuss and your responses to other folks.

Now DO NOT pretend to be someone else today!!!! :) Don't be who you think I want you to be.  Listen...to the real you.  It's important.

Come back tomorrow and I will tell you why.

Now..go listen.