Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

Oops..there is a Step 2 to Gem Hunting

There is a Step 2 to Gem Hunting before you look at what you have found in your sieve.  You have to go forward without judgment...that's Step 2.  Now that can test you like a 6Th grade math test!

To set your judgment aside can be hard because quite frankly I think most of us are judgment prone.  It's like a hobby for some of us.  We make judgments sometimes with very little information but then that's more than 1/2 the fun.

But setting aside judgments is critical so you can really look at the experience you have been through to see what it is that you could possibly gain from it no matter how painful and difficult it may have been.

How do you set aside your judgments?  The only way I know to do this is to pretend the experience happened to someone else.  You need look at it as if it is an experiment you are examining. That can give you some space which is important when you are looking at gaining some insight.

Any other ideas on how you can leave your judgments aside?  I would love to hear them.

Tomorrow...my insights.

Gem Hunting...Step 1

In case you have not noticed...I am a "step" kind of gal :)  Steps help you get where you want to go and I am all about laying them out for us.

Yesterday I talked about sifting through bad experiences to find the gems (or lessons or gifts...whatever you want to call them) that might have come from those experiences.  I happen to come from the school of thought that everything happens for a reason.  You just may not know what the reason is yet.  Sifting through experiences can help us figure that out.

For the next couple of days I will lay out the steps for gem hunting.

Step 1 is clear the debris...you have to clear out the debris before you can really see what you have in the sieve. I know, I know I may be carrying this prospector stuff too far..but stick with me..it could be fun and enlightening too!

So back to Step 1...clear away the debris.  And debris to me is the emotions that are tied up in what happened.  You need to set them aside...get the emotions out of the way so you can really look at what is left.

How do you clear them out?  Good question.  Here are a few ways I have done it...and I am sure will continue to.

1.  I write out how I feel about what happened.  Hurt, betrayed, frustrated...I write until I cannot write anymore.  It just helps to get it out.  When I am done I either..shred it, rip it up or burn it.  No need to keep those negative thoughts around.

2.  If I feel bad..I cry.  Crying is highly underrated if you ask me.  Crying is your body's way of expressing emotion...so I say cry away.  Cry your eyes out.  It's like an emotional cleansing and do not knock it until you try it. Crying can move moutains of emotional debris out of the way.

3.  I honor how I feel.  I do that by knowing whatever emotions I had...were okay to have because this happened to me.  I give myself permission to feel them and then let them go. 

Here's an example of how it can work...I have been angry at someone for awhile.  I doubt the person realizes I am even angry. So carrying that debris any longer makes sense how?  So I say...yes I was angry because of yada, yada, yada.  But that was then and this is now.  I wrote out how I felt and I ripped it up. And I acknowledged to myself that I had every right to feel how I have felt...but if it's not helpful to me..I need to set it aside.

And now with that debris out of the way...I will see what there is left to see. Tomorrow I will tell you what I found. :)

Sift through the bad to find some good

I just woke up from a very conscious dream...now that does not happen to me very often...and I am feeling very light.  Like something has been lifted.  And of course...for me the next need is to share it with you because I figure I am shown things for a reason.  And if it can help me...maybe you can gain something too. It's like a two for one sale :)

So here's what I was dreaming about...telling my parents to sift through the bad to find the good.  My parents, like all of us, have their ups and downs.  I don't care how old you are...relationships do not appear to get easier.  You still have to work at being with someone.  They have an anniversary coming up and in my dream I was telling them to sift through the bad things to find the good.  Like gold miners...using an old metal sieve...if they put in their life experiences in the sieve and run water over them and shake the sieve...the gems will be there.  And those are the things you keep and hold on to.  Not all the debris.

Brilliant...simply brilliant.  I am thankful for the gift of that dream.  I have been through a whirlwind of experiences in the past almost 3 years....they have taken me to my knees...actually what is lower than your knees?  Wherever that has is...that is where I have been.

But that was then and this is now.  You know what?  I am going to do some sifting today and tomorrow I will let you know what I find when I truly look at what I have been through. I know there is a ton of debris...but I am betting there are some gems in there too.

 Maybe we will both learn something from my sifting.  See you tomorrow.

Make today Forgiving Friday

I think we should declare today Forgiving Friday. I know it's pretty well taken already as Black Friday...the biggest shopping day of the year.  But I think Forgiving Friday would get us a lot more in the end.

It actually makes sense...yesterday was Thanksgiving where we paused to be grateful for what we have.  I think it should be followed by Forgiving Friday where we spend a bit of time forgiving and letting go of people or things that have hurt us.

It's like a cleansing for our soul.  I know I carry some things that have hurt me.  I try to put them down but some days they are back like they have never left.  So I am thinking a ceremony or official day may help me.

So here is what I am going to do.  I am going to make a list of people who have hurt me and then I am going to burn it as a release.  I am going to watch it burn and say good bye to them.  I need to move past them and so do you. ( Of course all buring should be done safely.)

I read once where people who have hurt you probably don't even remember what they did and so give it little, if any thought.  While you and me on the other hand continue to carry it and all it's negative energy.  I figure if they can let go of it...it's time that I did too.  You too.

So practice a little forgiving today and see how it feels.  Maybe we indeed have the start of something very powerful here...

Mom had the right idea all along.

I don't know about you but my mom forever has been saying, "did you say thank you?"  When we were little kids that's what we heard all the time.  Who knew she was right to remind us!?!

So consider me your mom...or rather your cute, older charming sister :)....did you say thank you?  Thank you for what you ask?   Actually for everything that has blessed your life.  Today is the day...

Even if your life is not going where you want it to go right now...be thankful that you know that and are determined not to settle staying there.

Be thankful...do it from your heart...do it because you mean it...do it because my mom says so.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I am eating a hershey bar and life is good.

I am eating a Hershey chocolate bar with almonds and drinking coffee...two of my three favorite activities...life is good! :)

Yesterday life rather sucked.  Someone said something to me that simply took the wind out of me.  I know, I know I am responsible for how I react to everything in my life but when someone says something so rude to me...I react...some days from a place of strength and some days from a place of great vulnerability.  That would be the place I was yesterday.

But the good thing about life is that it is always changing and because of that two things are true.  Nothing stays the same and you get to set the rules to live your life by as long as those rules don't hurt someone else (I would prefer those rules don't hurt you either by the way.)

So following those rules...today is a new day.  And this moring I am eating a hershey bar and drinking coffee...a morning snack that must fit on the food pyramid somewhere :) Not what my mom would approve of..but my house my rules :)!!!!

My life...a work in progress to be sure.

Lord let me never say that to someone else.

I am still trying to catch me breathe.  Someone said something to me about an hour ago that simply floored me.  Needless to say it wasn't a warm and cozy comment.  I don't think they meant to cause the reaction that I had.  And I know my reaction comes from where I am right now...but still... yikes!

I am not going to go into what was said but it has given me more than a moment's pause.

How do I talk with people?  Am I focused on them and what I know about them when we talk?  When I say something do I help the situation or do I make it worse?

I am thinking about that a lot right now...and based on this morning I will be thinking about it for a long time to come. 

Quit asking why...it is a distraction and can make you crazy.

I spent yesterday asking why.  I am not sure where that came from...but I had lots of energy directed towards that question.  And where did it get me?  Ah....nowhere.  And that would be the point.

Life has a way of happening to us.  Both good things and bad.  Most of us want to know why.  It's like it's part of our DNA.  We are creatures of questions.

But here is what I believe...a lot of times there is no answer.  And if there was...it won't really matter because what is done is done and what is now important is how we deal with it.

Asking why can be a distraction. It keeps us focused on the past.  Our attention has to be focused on now if we are to make the progress we say we want.

So if and when whys pop up...deal with them as quickly as possible and then turn your attention back to where it can make a difference...in the now.

We just have perseverance

That's what Oregon Quarterback Jeremiah Masoli said about their win over Arizona.  He also said everyone on their team believed to the end.  Those are hallmarks of people who succeed.

It's important that we believe like that too. Some says it's about believing when everything around you says...hell no.  I guess that is where faith comes in and perseverance.  That taking a step off the ledge believing help will be there.

It what sets dreamers apart from doers.  Dreamers continue to sit and wish for what may be...and doers roll up their sleeves and get to work making it happen. They believe to the very end that they will reach their goal.

How do you know you are at the end?  When you have what you want silly :) Or when you have left everything you had on the field trying.

Come out swinging...

And just keep working 'til we get it right.  That's what Cleveland Brown defensive coordinator Rob Ryan said his father taught him and his brother.  Ryan's brother is Rex Ryan, the New York Jets Head Coach.

I think that is good advise for all of us.  Come out swinging.  We have our plan.  Now just work it.  And keep working it.  If we need to adjust it a bit...so be it.  Then start swinging again.

Here's the bottom line that we sometimes forget.  Time is going to pass any way.  Do you want to use your time for your declared intentions?  Or do you want to let time just pass while you sit in the bleachers bemoaning that things just aren't working out? 

The choice really is yours.  I say...let's swing!