Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

By George I got it! My biggest lesson of the decade...

 I love starts and finishes.  Today is the end of a decade. Tomorrow starts a new one.

There is a premise some believe that if you don't "get the lesson" you are bound to repeat the behavior until you do get it.

Let me say loud and clear....I got it!  I am sometimes a slow learner but this time I got it.  Lesson learned.  NO need to repeat again.

Here is what it took me a decade to learn...if you don't take care of yourself...sooner or later...you have nothing left and you cannot even help yourself.  As I said...lesson learned.

I have lived a life of service to others which has been a wonderful thing but along the way...I forgot to take care of me.  I simply did not pay attention.  I didn't.  Heck even the airlines tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first then help the child sitting next to you! Maybe I should have flown more? LOL

I have paid a tremendous price.  A tremendous price.  And just because I now, honestly, get the lesson...that does not mean that I am magically in a fabulous position.

I feel like the general who when told that he and his men were surrounded...replied, "Well at least we can attack in any direction!"

When you have fallen...things in most areas of your life can be affected.  From your finances to your health to your employment to your relationships. The good news, the very very good news is when you stand up again...you can deal with them.  Pick up the pieces you still want, discard what no longer works and build a life that you want...maybe it's the one you wanted for everyone else but forgot to tend for yourself.  Maybe it's not.  Maybe it is something wholly different that you yearn for.  You get to decide. And while there is power in that decision, there is also the responsibility to put action into making it happen for yourself.

I use to say to people I dealt with in our domestic violence shelter as they talked about their future..."I can't want this more for you than you do".  Those words echo back to me every day now.  I have to want this for myself.  No one can want it for me more than I do. And I can't want it more FOR you than you do.  But together...we can make this the best decade yet.  It's my commitment to myself and to you.

Tomorrow I will share with you my intentions for the next year and some of the tools I plan to use.  You can hold me accountable for what I say I want and I will do the same for you. 

You may have to walk this path yourself but that doesn't mean a little company along for the walk is not a very good thing! (Plus I am known for bringing snacks!!!!)

See you tomorrow...

 

ENOUGH ALREADY! Give yourself a break.

Okay, I am saying that loudly so I hear myself!  But if it helps you...that's okay too!  :)

I don't know why anyone would ever feel the need to criticize us because if you are like most people..and like me...you can do a nice number on yourself all by yourself!  No outside help needed.

And you know what.  Today is the day we stop.  Come on work with me here.  We stop.

Truth is that everyone makes mistakes.  Everyone wishes they could have a "do over" at some point.  But the way this game of life is set...that doesn't happen.  What does happen is most of us will relive what we did until we are blue in the face.  And where does that get us...nothing but an interesting shade of blue!

So as we head into a new decade I say we switch tactics.  We be our biggest cheerleader!  We realize and fully accept that we may have done something differently if we had other information...but we didn't have that so we did the best that we could. End of story.  End of story.  And if you need to acknowledge an error.  You do so.  Fix what you can and move on. The more attention you give whatever it is at that point...the more your energy is focused in the past and that is not where you are headed.

If someone brings it up again... you look them in the face and say, "what's your point?" When let them explain why they keep bringing up the past...while you are focused on the present.  People can only engage you if you let them.  And you, my friend, after you have done what you could... are done with that.

Let your life unfold in the present...that's where the power is. We have the best year of our lives right around the corner...but only if you are ready to claim it.

Tomorrow...a few things I will have ready at the stroke of midnight to kick mine off :)!

Reach back and connect.

Okay my first thought when I wrote this title was being a little kid and sitting in the backseat of the car with my two sisters and brother.  Every once in awhile our dad would reach back and try to connect with us when we would not settle down after repeated warnings! Ah...memories.

This connection I am talking about is something different.  The end of a decade offers us the chance to reach back and connect with folks who have been important to us...but who we may have lost touch with.

Over the next three days I plan to make a list of ten folks...one for every year...and simply write them a note thanking them for crossing my path and wishing them well as life continues on for both of us. 

I encourage you to do the same...I am reminded every day that life is fleeting and fragile.  I want my life to be more of "I am glad I took time to do that..." vs. " I never found the time." 

I wish the same for you.

Reflection while good for the soul can be hard on the heart.

The holidays mean different things to different people.  They can be a time of joy with family and friends.  They can also be a time of sadness for people when they remember folks who are no longer with them.

And then there can be that space in the middle where you can just be wistful for what you want but isn't there.  You have not had it yet...so it's not really a loss...but you know what you do want and it's still not there.

I end up in the middle.

I have been doing a lot of reflection this year.  Where I am and where I want to be.  It's funny when you work like a crazy monkey for years you don't spend a lot of time in reflection. You are simply too tired.  And there is always one more thing to do, one more call to take.  That work stuff fills up so much time that any reflection is surface only.

I am in a different spot now and my reflection has been deeper and with an awareness I have not had for a long time.  I am clear that I am responsible for where I am and what I have or don't have in my life.  But I am reminded of what I once read...she accepted full responsibility for her life but couldn't help but wonder what the hell she had been thinking! :)

A new year is right around the corner and with a clearer head and focused intention...I will look forward to my reflection next year at this time.  I am committed to being out of the middle...and ending up just where I want to be. 

My holiday wish for you is the same.

How did your list making go yesterday?

Welllll in the spirit of full disclosure...I am still working on mine.  I did throw out my chipped coffee cup though. :) Score one for the little pack rat!

I have been watching old Christmas movies which may have had an impact on my list making but it is the holidays and I am throughly enjoying myself. Whatever you are doing I hope you are enjoying yourself.

Today...let this be your mantra.  I am enjoying myself and today life is good.

It's how life should be...and did I mention I did throw away my chipped coffee cup :)?

Let it go!

As the new year is approaching...it's time to get ready to make 2010 our best year ever!  I believe it truly is our time...so let's get ready.

If life is a journey..why aren't you moving?  I love that! You cannot move far if you are weighted down with "stuff" from the past.  It can be physical stuff or emotional stuff...both have weight you carry with you whether you are aware of it or not.

So with the countdown to 2010 on...make a list of ten physical things you will let go of and 10 emotional things you will let go of.

Why 10?  Well 10 is a great number...it's the magical number of increase so I just think it must also be the magical number of decrease :)  Heh, my blog... my rules !!!

So make a list of 10 physical things to let go of.  Once you are done with the 1ST 10 you can move on to the next 10.  How far you go is up to you.  But here is a hint...if you bang into things in your living space...your list cannot start to soon!

Here's the first thing on my list to go...a coffee cup.  I love the cup.  It has a woman looking quite lovely on it who is saying, "I dreamed my house was clean!"  I love it but guess what...it is cracked and chipped...but I still hang on to it. Today it goes out.  May not sound like a big thing to let go of...but it's a start.  And for a saver like me it's a big step...

As for my list of 10 emotional things.  Well that will take some thought later in the day.  Here's the best technique to use once you have the written list. Once the list is written..write a brief note why it's in your best interest to let each thing go.  YOUR best interest...no one else's.  This is all about you remember.

When you have everything written down you gather up your writing and you either shred it or burn it. The point is to write it...not keep it to reflect on again and again.  We want the stuff gone!

I am a big believer in burning in a coffee can.  The release of the smoke drifting upward is symbolic of the stuff taking flight out of your life.  Sound corny?  I say don't judge it until you try it :)  Marshmallows are of course optional! LOL!

So as you move through the day after Christmas...gather your thoughts...make your lists and let it go.

Even after all those Christmas cookies you ate if you make your lists and let it go...you'll be surprised at how much lighter you feel.

Now it's time to go say good bye to my cup...

Today...it's all about the past and the present!

When we were little kids...it was all about the "present".  Maybe you were a kid who opened the presents early...we never did that...the fear getting caught was too high.  But we did get under the tree and put all our presents together in a pile. There were four of us and we wanted nobodies stuff confused!  None of that searching and waiting for us when the time came... :)

Christmas is all about memories for us.  Hopefully you will have some good ones to remember.  I know that isn't reality for everyone...but I hope it is for you.

One of my favorite memories is when I directed the domestic violence shelter.  After a few years I gave all the staff off for the holiday and just worked it myself.  It was my gift to them...but it was a gift to me too.  I liked making sure that everything was just right for families. 

Here's my favorite memory...a little boy who was in shelter came to my office all concerned. He wanted to talk. He was worried that Santa could not get into the house because we had an alarm system!  He was very concerned.

Very seriously I told him that I was a personal friend of Santa's. I said that Santa and I had a system. When Santa lands on the roof..he calls me on his cell phone and then I turn off the alarm!  Santa is in and out very fast...the alarm goes back on and I go to sleep on the couch.  The little boy's eyes open very wide as he listened.  I told he just didn't have to worry..I had it covered.  One of the scenes that will live with me forever is the joy that was on his face Christmas morning when he saw for himself that our system worked!

If you don't have those kind of memories...then start working on creating some for yourself.  It cannot matter forever that you didn't get the fire truck or doll you wanted.  You are old enough...buy your own :). 

Make it your commitment to make your Christmas memories from now on.  Today is a good day to start.

Merry Christmas to you. I am sending you Christmas joy...right now! :)

Today you be the one...go spread some joy!

It's Christmas Eve and today I want you to be the one.  The one who smiles first, the one who holds the door, the one who allows someone to go ahead of you in line.  The one who puts a quarter, if that is what you have, in the red kettle and thank those who are rings the bell for their efforts.

I want you to be the one because the person you interact with today may really need your random act of kindness.  You cannot walk in anyone else's shoes but you can walk comfortably in your own.

As as you walk comfortably today...make everyone you encounter today be glad they crossed your path.  It costs you nothing but could mean the world to the person you meet.  If there is someone living in your home...start with them! :) 

Off with you...go spread some joy!

How do you celebrate Christmas when your life isn't what you want?

We are taking a bit of a break from getting ready for next year to talk about some truths people are facing this year...and how to deal with them.

It's like it's the elephant in the room for many people.  I am Jean, the elephant tamer!

 Let's talk.  If you have had a tough year the furthest thing from your mind may be celebrating the holidays.  You may not have the resources to celebrate, you may have lost someone and that makes even thinking about celebrating the holidays painful and/or you may simply be exhausted by dealing with your everyday life to think about anything else.  All realities for people and realities I would not argue with.

It's your life.  You feel what you feel.  I have come out of almost 3 years of challenges that have taken me to the ground.  But here is what I celebrate...I am standing back up.  I am still here.  And no matter what happens...I woke up today with the chance to keep working on it.  That is reason to celebrate.  Plus my faith says Christmas is about a birthday party so that is where I am.  You may be somewhere else with that.

I have family and friends who I love and I will simply enjoy being in their presence.

I think we have to get back to basics.  Depending on your belief system the holidays are about the birth of Christ.  If that isn't your framework...it is a time for people to celebrate family and friends and embrace the concept that peace on earth may be more than a concept if we all work on it.

Remember Christmas is not about resources ... it's about connection.  I know, I know...it's hard to feel that way when you have no money for gifts and you are invited somewhere or have children in your home.  Here is what I do.  I make coupons for people.  Two hours of fun time with your aunt. Three stories at bedtime every night.  Walking your dog for a month with a smile on my face!

Take a task and make a coupon out of it.  Easy to do...easy to wrap and my experience is that it is the thought that counts :)  (My coupon redemption rate is about 50% LOL.)

And here is the hard truth.  If you feel your holidays aren't what you want them to be...then figure out what you want them to look like and work for that for next year. 

That's what I am doing.  I have this sense I want to create an intimate family for myself.  I am blessed to have my parents yet, I have siblings and they have kids and grandkids.They always invite me to be part of their celebrations but it isn't like having my own family.  I am always the odd one out...and while I have been odd for along time :)...it just feels like I want something that feels different.  Believe me they do not understand how I feel...but if you are in my situation I think you do.

 I always thought I would be married and have ten kids.  I use to think I would have to have a bus so each child would have a window and there would be no fighting!  That has not happened..though when I ran a domestic violence shelter for ten years I was surrounded by children. 

One night at the shelter I had made chocolate chip cookies for 8 kids in shelter and we were sitting around the table having cookies and milk.  One little girl asked if I had children.  I said that no I didn't.  She looked at me, paused for a second and then said, "That's good because you have all of us instead.".  It touched my heart and was certainly the the truth.

But that is not my life now.  So I have a growing sense that I will work this next year to change that. I want that connection of people in my own circle...so I will work on that...how?  Well I am not sure...but I am sure you'll find out when I figure it out. :)

But as for this year...I am where I am.  And you are where you are.  I am  going to enjoy the family and friends I have in my life and for the next three days I will live in the world that says peace on earth is possible and it does begin with me...and you.

Before you pack...you have to toss and throw!

Our theme for the next 10 days as we get ready for 2010 is If life is a journey ...why aren't your moving?

What's the first step when you pack for a trip...you sort through things to see what you want to take.  These jeans don't fit...this shirt has a stain.  I can only find one of these flipflops! Don't tell me your life is any different!  :)

The same with packing for our journey into the new year...the new decade. Some things in our lives just don't fit anymore but we keep dragging them along...and that stuff can and does pile up and weigh us down.

So do a quick look around your life.  What stands out as things that weigh you down?  Clutter you can do without.  Then toss it to the curb.  Clean and simple. Not going back and forth in your head about it for another decade. Do it now.

We have ten days to get moving to the next year.  Now is not the time to hesitate.  Now is the time to toss and throw...