Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

What was I thinking?!

Truth be told last night I wasn't really thinking.  I had an incredibly long work day...about 14 hours on my little feet so when I got home I decided to eat something then watch a DVD with Pumpkin the wonder dog to relax.

That's where my plan went amiss...

The first DVD I put in was the first season of Dexter.  I didn't know much about it other than it gets great reviews on Show-time.  Quickly it appears that Dexter is some kind of serial killer and he just caught another one in the first few minutes of the show!  Yikes!  What the heck!!  I quickly ejected it...not the relaxing thing I needed and I put in one more DVD.  This one was called the Bodyguard, a new beginning.

As I laid back down that one started to play with people being beaten to a pulp.  I rolled my eyes and thought...what was I thinking?!

If you want...and I say I want...a life with less drama and more joy and peace...then that has to flow through my life.  It has to flow through my choices, through my language, through what I read, through what I see  and through what I expose myself to. 

Trust me.. I am not a pansy.  I have had death threats or the potential of them in 3 of the last 4 jobs I have had.  I can hold my own or go down swinging.  But that is not how I choose to live anymore.  I am headed into different space.

Will that mean I will ignore violence and life's horrible side?  No...but will I invite it in my home so I could view it with a dish of ice cream and a little wiener dog by myself?...Ah that would be no again.

You're a bit odd...why thank you!

That's what one of my friends said this week when we met for breakfast to celebrate her birthday.  We were getting ready to leave and she said I was a bit odd.

I have to say I have been giving her comment a bit of thought the past couple of days.

I don't think she meant that I am "circus sideshow odd"...though I come for a family whose mother's brother worked on and ran carnivals.  We went two summers and had a popcorn wagon and while not odd..we had adventures during a few summers that were not like most people.  I still remember riding to a teddy bear factory in a semi to pick up an order and looking with wonder as we went through the factory seeing teddy bears in all stages of being putting together.  It felt magical...and was well before go build a bear yourself days!

But being odd..or a few steps to the right or left is always where I have found myself.  I am not sure why.  Maybe it's about that path not taken by most and I have always found myself wandering down it to see where it lead.

Most of my life I have just done things without thinking long term.  If I thought it was interesting...I did it.  I went on TV in the late 70's and early 80's.  Never had any training in it.  I was hired by the president of the TV station  who I had met through United Way.  I liked him a lot and he liked me.  We talked community commitment and community involvement.  I think he tried to mentor me but that was not always an easy task. :)

I loved being on TV.  But I was in my own little world I guess.  I substituted for the farm director when she was "out on assignment" and hosted the live noon show.  I thought I was doing pretty well. One day she came in and said I had to host the show.  Her assistant Jimmy jumped up and said he had to call his mom and let her know it would be me at noon.  Being quite flattered I remember saying, "She likes to watch me?" He responded with a laugh, "Oh yeah..she knows you have no idea what you are taking about and loves watching you work your way through it!"

A person more in the center may have been offended...I just remember thinking I should say a special hello to her on the air ! :)

Being a little different..standing to the side of everyone else who seems to run with the pack can be a little lonely at times.  It can feel like you have received a different set of marching orders when you were born.  Not quite sure why and not quite sure where they will eventually take you. 

But here is what I have decided long ago...  You are who you are.  You can dress yourself up in the "clothes" of everyone else to fit in or you can step out and let the you who you really are shine through.  There is a sense of freedom in not pretending you are someone you aren't.

That may seem a bit odd to others but it beats being a "fake you" any day of the week.

Today must be the day!

For some reason Today is the Day!

I receive several emails every morning.  Great messages from a variety of sources I have gathered over the past several years.  Each in it's own way is something I look forward to.

Today most of them addressed the same thing...Today is the Day!  Maybe there is something in the air.  Maybe today there will be a cosmic shift in your life and in mine.  Maybe it's wishful thinking or fabulous projection that Today is the Day!

Believe me... I have gotten on stranger "bandwagons"! :)  So in the spirit of continuing that flow of energy...Today is the Day!

Today is the Day to appreciate yourself.  Today is the Day to find joy every where you look.  Today is the Day to breathe deeply and be glad you are in this moment. Today is the Day to just be.  Today is the Day to set it all down...knowing you can pick it up tomorrow again if you choose.

Today is the Day to be at peace.  Today is the Day to focus on. 

Tomorrow will take care of itself and it's right around the corner anyway :)  But Today...ah today...

Are you absolutely doing what you love?

Are you?  Can you look at your day and say that for the most part you are absolutely loving what you are doing?  If not...why not?

Unless you are walking through your life asleep you have to be reminded daily that life is fragile.  This morning I read about two people who died yesterday.  One person was a veteran Sea World trainer... Dawn Brancheau and the other was X-Games skier C.R. Johnson.

Both people died doing what they loved.  She died working with a whale and he died when he fell while skiing.  Maybe both lives dramatically different from yours or mine...but maybe not.  They were both people who discovered what they loved and followed that passion.  I am sure they had off days...but then maybe they didn't.

What I do know is that they were doing what they loved and so should we...each and every day. There are no guarantees on how long we have. Life is indeed fragile but it is also deep and wide and can hold many, many things.  It's up to us to know what those things are...experiences, people...whatever we want to fill that space with and then work to have that in our lives.

I have changed how I view life over the past several years.  When I was growing up I use to have a poster I took with me every where.  It said, "It's better to wear out than rust out."  I think I took that to an extreme..doing so much that the hamster running on the wheel next to me could not catch up to me! 

It was about doing more and more and always saying yes and doing it because I could.  And for some reason I felt because I could...I should not matter how I felt about it. 

Then I was overwhelmed...I became the poster child for overwhelmed and post traumatic stress.  Truly down for the count for a bit over 2 1/2 years...now after much processing and support ...and a good dose of divine intervention I am standing up again.  And seeing life very differently.

Now it's about discovering what I love and absolutely being committed to doing it.  It's about making sure that each day I spend more time in the pursuit and enjoyment of that life I want to live than in this other place I have been.  Am I successful every day?  Hell no!  If it were that easy...we would all have figured it out long ago.  But I tell you what...each day I am closer.  And I recognize faster things that don't fit.  And those things my dear friends are being "parked by the roadside and left behind".

I worked with people who had HIV/AIDS in the 80's and 90's. Back when people who were diagnosed didn't live very long.  I will never forget sitting with a young man who was dying.  He was in his 20's and we loved to just talk.  I told him one afternoon that I was so sorry this had happened to him.  He reached over and took my hand...looked me in the eyes and said, "I have lived a life full of passion.  I have loved with great passion and did my work with passion.  I followed my heart.  Most people who live to be 80 can't say that."

He was right. He was at peace and I could see that in his eyes.

It is a wonderful way to be able to reflect on ones life.  And it feels much better then reflecting on the inside of a hamster wheel.

Gaffe or gift...you get to decide.

Apparently according to the wire story Dutch speedskater Sven Kramer made a "gaff" during his race that will go down in Olympic history!  I have read the account of what happened about ten times and I still don't get it.

I am not a skater.  Not a speed skater or even a "stop yourself once you get going" skater.  As a kid I went ice skating with my siblings and friends....and I always depended on the snowbank on the edge of the pond for an assist when I needed to stop :).  So from my framework anyone who can skate, stop themselves and maybe even skate backwards...is gifted in a way I could only dream about.  So I miss what his gaffe was.  I can live with that. 

But of course it brought to mind...gaffe or gifts.  How we frame what happens to us.  When something goes wrong most of us are ready to hang ourselves out to dry for whatever has happened long before the dust settles.  Part of that I think is the need to beat the other folks to the punch.  It feels better to say I screwed up VS. you telling me.

But here is a thought.  What would happen if you or I even paused for a second and really looked at what happened.  Maybe it was gaffe..a mistake or maybe it was a gift.  You are running around like a crazy person and you miss getting something important done.  Yes...that could be a mistake but it's also a clear sign you are overloaded and need to look at that.

Call it a teachable moment...call it a gift...call it a timeout.  Call it a gaffe or a mistake if you wish...but whatever you call it ... make the next thing you say or do an action so you can fix what you can and then benefit from what happened.

Yesterday I wrote about not being perfect...not doing it all right all the time.  That is a tremendous pressure to put on yourself.  A better framework to work towards to to look at things that go wrong as having a message for us.  If we get the message chances are the same thing won't happen again.  That's the gift.  Ignore the message and that's where the mistake comes in...

If you are looking for perfect you are looking in the wrong place.

I think we all hear voices in our heads.  Voices that come from the past that say things that may or may not be helpful anymore.  Truth be told they may never have been helpful at all. 

But the younger we were, the easier it was for those voices to take hold. As adults we can sort through them and toss and throw those that no longer fit but that it not as easy as it may seem. 

You may have had a voice in your head that says you have to be perfect.  It is always up to you to do everything right. Hearing that echo long enough makes it almost part of your DNA and prying that loose can take more effort than you are willing to expend.

So why expend it?  To give you the freedom to be you. The you who you really are.  And that indeed may be someone who strives for perfection or it may indeed be someone was is willing to let life be a little messy and do the best they can then move on to the next adventure.

That lovely, sometimes annoying voice can keep us stuck...more worried about what others think than we are concerned about what we think and the overall impact all of that thinking can have on our lives.

When we have fallen for whatever reason...some of those voices can get even louder. It's even more important then to sort through them and find the ones that are helpful and identify those that are not.

For years...I have long said I am not looking for perfection...I move through life too fast..I am just looking for a high percentage of being right.  Then during my most challenging times these past years I was only focused on one foot in front of the other...when I finally found my feet again.  Now having come through that period...sure enough those voices have reappeared yet once again.  Most days I hold on to my mantra of not having to be perfect. Then every once in awhile that old voice comes back saying I have to be perfect...I have to get it all right each and every time and stay there until I do.

Today I clearly am saying once and for all to that annoying little voice..."if you are looking for perfect you are looking in the wrong place.  I think that person lives down the street and let me open the door for you :) so you can go find them."

Ah...kind feels like the house guest who has stayed too long!  What voice do you need to move on?

Geno and the US Hockey Team..both must be beaming today!

I have recently met a wonderful man named Geno.  He is a down to earth kind of guy who loves his wife and loves his dog!  Some would call him, "good people."

I saw Geno last night and he told me that he had to get home for the US Hockey game..it was starting in 15 minutes and he wasn't going to miss it.  I tell you he simply lit up as he talked about Olympic Hockey.  He loves it!

He is not a late comer to the sport...he has been a fan for years.  He told me about the "miracle team" and the limited run poster he has of that team.  Honestly I loved just watching how animated he was talking about it.

Then off he went to get home in time to watch the game. I woke up this morning to read that the US team had won an upset over Canada!   The first thing I thought of was that Geno must to beaming ear to ear and so must the team.

Having great passion for something can take you to another level.  It can get your mind racing and you can suddenly have this rush of ideas and motion that can propel you further than you otherwise may have gone.  Great passion for something makes anything seem possible. And when something does happen it can feel magical.

So here's a question for you...for Geno it is US hockey...what ignites that kind of passion in you?  If you don't know...based on the look on Geno's face as he talked about his passion for hockey...it's well worth looking for. 

 And maybe today would be a good day to start looking for that kind of passion in your own life.

How happy are you willing to be?

How happy?  Are you really ready to go for it and have your heart's desire?  What will it take...what will it take from you?

Part of the answer certainly depends on what it is you say you want. 

If it's a job that will make you happy ...are you willing to jump through the hoops you may have to to get it?  Put in the time to study, maybe make some outside connections, apply and apply again until they realize what a find you are :)?

If it's peace and quiet in your very "loud" life...are you willing to stop and look at what you are doing and make some choices to unplug that which adds "noise" but not joy and happiness?

If you have been hurt before in love are you ready to risk one more time?  I love this Maya Angelou quote about that.  Her quote is..."Have enough courage to trust love one more time.  And always one more time."

It's said that people are as happy as they make up their minds to be.  If you have been disappointed or hurt before it is not that simple.  You tend to be more cautious, guard your heart and feelings more. I know that I do.

But you can get past that causation by making conscious choices.  By deciding what will make you happy.  By not letting everything up to chance.  Creating the life you want is about stating what that means to you...then living your life being present so you can recognize it when it appears.  It may not be in the package you imagine but it may appear all the same. 

I have been declaring that I want joy and happiness in my life this year after almost three years of darkness. I am finding it each and every day.  That does not mean I am still not challenged on a regular basis by remnants of the past that I am working through...but my focus is on happiness and joy.

I am not a pollyanna who denys what is in front of me.  Rather I am a woman who has emerged from a place of darkness who fully appreciates the sheer joy of the light and all the happiness that can bring.

How happy am I willing to be?  There simply is no limit to it and that is my wish for you too.

Look to the 20 - 80 rule and clean house!

I am the first to admit it...I am on a mission.  I am on a mission to clean house both figuratively and physically. Both in my physical living space and my life.

I have carried things for years that no longer serve a purpose or are detracting from where I want to be.  Now is the time to let things go...to clean house.

I am invoking the 20 - 80 customer service mindset.  It is said that 20 percent of your customers give you 80% of your problems.  A line of thinking is to weed out those time exhausting customers and deal with folks that give you business and less trouble.  A grand idea.  I think you can apply that principal to your personal life too.

So I am looking at where my energy goes. 100% of my energy..where are the drains where I am getting little or nothing back. I am unplugging from them and focusing on things that add value to my life. Things that are a win - win. It is a new way of looking at things. 

I have always worked from the premise that I should do things because I can.  I am now looking at things from a different vantage point...just because you can do something doesn't mean you should or have to.

It's about conscious choice.  It's about fresh air. It's about creating space in your life. It's about stepping into the life you say you want and leaving the rest behind. 

You can let it go with respect for the space it did occupy in your life...but that was then and this is now. And now is where we are living.

Your assignment: Be happy!

A study was released yesterday that basically said that if you are happy it is good for your heart.  People who are happy have less heart attacks, less heart problems. I would have assumed that but somewhere someone got a government grant to prove it. Now it's a backed up fact.  There you go!

Now turn that frown upside down!  Don't ya just want to smack someone when they say that because you aren't feeling happy?!  Well sometimes even the thought of doing that can make you smile :)

There is a real point here for all of us.  Find things to be happy about.  Find things that even when your life is feeling turned upside down that can make you feel happy.  Even sometimes the smallest reprieve from the pain or unhappiness you are feeling can give you some breathing space.  And breathing space is important.

I think that is why I have dogs.  Not that they have not driven me crazy over the years...and not that the pain I felt when my boy Frank died this summer was not horrible...but the happiness I had with him was wonderful.

I didn't feel well last night and Pumpkin, Frank's sister and I were on the couch from 6 PM on.  She never left my side and hearing her snore away made me feel comfort and happiness. It's something I do for myself that makes me happy.

What do you have in your life that makes you happy?  Think about it.  If your day has been filled with stress and uncertainity these days...what can give you some happiness?

I use to teach a self development class years ago.  I always had people fill out a worksheet I developed called my five favorites.  I have folks list five things that brought them joy or happiness that they could experience on a daily basis.  They were then suppose to post it where they could see it.

The idea was when they were feeling down or stressed they should remember to do at least one of the things a day to make themselves feel better.

The only requirement was that the five things were things they could do.  One woman said that she loved to go to Europe.  I said if you can afford to go every day...put it on the list.  If not...choose another thing! :)

So make your list.  Write down five things...could be people, activities, food, drink...I don't care.  Write your list and post it where you can see it.  Then this weekend use your list.  Find things that bring you happiness at least once a day and many more times if possible and allow yourself to experience them. 

It's good for the soul..and now we know for sure it's also good for your heart.