I am a toucher...I will admit it. Since I have been a little girl I have liked to reach out and touch things.
One of my childhood memories that echoes in my head is my mom saying "keep your hands to yourself". I think she must have been on pins and needles every time we visited stores :)! Sorry about all the anxiety that must have produced mom! :)
My liking to touch things continues...I realized long ago that I am very tactile. I think it helps you keep in touch with your own body for one thing. I love lotions and I love using them. I like textures and I like feeling them. I love massages...by people who are professional and those who are not professionals but sure could be :) LOL!!
I like the power of touch. It's a connecting force. When I was the case manager for people who had HIV/AIDS holding someone's hand when they were scared was such a natural instinct. Did it take away their pain?..no. But did it let them know on a very fundamental level that they were not alone...oh yes it did.
And what a gift that connection can be between two people.
I am not unaware that there are ways that touch can be trauma and horrible..as someone who was sexually assaulted in college by a stranger...I am all too familiar with that. But while scary and horribly some touching can be...that can be worked though to come out the other side where touch can be comforting again.
I just remembered this as I wrote that. When I was assaulted I was thrown through the air three times and hit a wall. I was terrified to be picked up again. It was an automatic response that I had that I wasn't even aware of. I wasn't until the man I lived with years ago came home from work. I was in the kitchen and he picked me up. I started screaming and I swear I almost had a seizure! I was thrown right back to the other experience. He and I talked about it. And we then started to have "pick up therapy" :).
Every night he came home...he said I am going to pick you up. He did. Never without telling me and never for longer than I could take. As silly as it sounds...it worked. I was able to replace that oh so very traumatic memory with something else. We are still not together but I am ever thankful to Peter for his kindness around this issue...not so much for his comments about my cooking...but my "pick up" therapy was such a gift.
One thing I do know about touch is that you need to pay attention.
Just like with any other sense...if you are rotely living your life or living it at warped speed you will miss the many experiences presenting themselves right in front of you. You must be present. Touch is like that. You have to be present to experience touch.
Whether it's touching a new type of fabric, petting your dog or cat, holding the sticky hand of a child as you walk or touching the feet of your partner at night in bed...each "touch" can give you experiences that can bring you joy. But the key is you have to be "in touch"..to feel it. That means being in the moment and paying attention to what you do and feel. And when you pause and think about it..why wouldn't you want to be?
You still get to choose. If you don't like how something feels you get to move on. But if you do not experience things you cannot really choose can you? You just accept...and while that may work...it takes the power from you and puts in it someone or something else's hands. And it's your life so I say...step up and choose.
Tomorrow...what I have learned the last few days. And have to say I am surprised.
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