I have this image of closing a large book...patting the cover as I say a prayer of gratitude for everything I have learned from it and then putting the book on a shelf. That's what I continue to see in my mind's eye...over and over again as I approach the new year.
There is a school of thought that every part of your life is a new chapter. I think that may be true. And I think that framework may work for some people. But for me...I want a whole new book!
I have lived a life full of experiences. Some have taken me to peaks of joy and some have taken me to such a dark place that I cannot even remember how dark it was. It has been a life of service to others. Over 30 years of non profit work from working with people with disabilities to Planned Parenthood to HIV/AIDS to Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence. I have been hyper attentive and hyper vigilant for literally thouands of people and sometimes for me but usually I was an afterthought if I thought of myself at all. I am not complaining. It is who I was and how I lived my life. It was as natural for me as breathing. But I have paid a dear price for being an afterthought in my own life.
And when I experienced almost 3 years of post traumatic stress and it's aftermath I realized what a dear price I have paid for being that afterthought. But that was then and this is now...that was part of my life story that is coming to an end...
Would I do things differently looking back? Well sure I would...but we don't get a "do over" like that. And besides I am who I am because of all of those experiences..the good, the bad and everything in between.
I always liked who I was but during these past three years I have experienced life in a very different way. I am different because of it. I want different things in my life now. It's time for a new book.
If you are experiencing the same kind of shift...there is one thing we have to deal with as we go. Next time I will write about "it" and what we can to do about "it".
And then...the title of new my "book" :) oh I am quite excited to share that with you a bit down the road :) It's good..it's really, really good!
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