Okay I can find a life lesson in EVERY single thing that happens to me ;). A gift...a curse? LOL You can decide.
Yesterday I was playing Christmas elf for several people that I am a volunteer guardian for. Some things I could mail to them...but for one woman I had to drive to the group home where she lives.
I was worried a bit about the roads. We have had snow and a bit of sleet the last few days. Winter driving and I respect each other after I have had at least three accidents during winter weather. Like winter driving..not so much...respect it...oh yes!
When I got to the group home all the folks who live there were sitting in their own recliners watching a Christmas movie. It was just charming... Gloria, one of my chicklettes as I fondly refer to them, was dressed in the new clothes that we had shopped for last week and was just happy. A very good thing indeed.
As I left the house which has a tricky little driveway I got stuck in a snowbank! Not a big snowbank...I have been stuck in bigger ones :) but big enough to stop me in my tracks.
As I sat there for a minute I decided to back up. Ah..that would be dreaming on that slick driveway! I went nowhere.
So I sat for another minute in my Bobby-mobile as I lovingly call my PT Cruiser. All the sudden I figured," Why not try to barrel through it?"...so I did! I stepped on the gas and the Bobby-mobile with a sense of power I so admire :) flew right through it!
All the sudden we were on the other side! Now that was impressive...not recommended probably but impressive all the same.
On the way home I thought about the snowbank and I thought about where I am in my life. I am at a huge turning point....simply HUGE! I am closing this book (not just the chapter) of my life on December 31st and starting a new one. The decade of being present for everyone else and leaving myself behind...is coming to a close. It has been a good life. A life where I can say I was present through my work at different non-profits for literally thousands of people when they needed someone by their side. But in the process I took very poor care of myself and in the end I have paid a tremendous price for that lack of attention.
So I am walking towards a new life...a different way for me to live...and here's where the lesson of my friend, the snowbank, comes in. This change has been hard to the depths of my soul. I have actually felt physical pain as things have surfaced from these past few years. I have taken spiritual body blows out of nowhere more than once.
I truly understand why people shy away from change because if you make change...real change... it can be painful. But here's what I learned yesterday...there is a time when you just have to say "What the hell" and floor it!
I think we all have more inner power than we realize. Maybe that power been hidden or depleted...or maybe it is just waiting to be called into service.
I am calling mine into service. like yesterday when I floored it to get through the snowbank...I am going to get through the last few "snowbanks" of resistance to get to the other side of what is in my way to start the new life I want. There is no backing up. There is no getting out and pondering if it's the right time. There is only taking that leap of faith and flooring it!
I will be on the other side soon. Am I nervous? Well of course I am ya silly goose. But if I don't take this leap of faith and floor it I will find myself in this same spot a year from now...still pondering the best way to get to the other side...to get to where I say I want to go. I have come way too far and been through way too much to get to this point.
In the next couple of posts I will tell you what I have in place..and what I think you need in place to take the leap through these last snowbanks of resistance.
When I write it sometimes triggers a memory moment...this just did.
My first job out of college was in Wausau, Wisconsin. When I moved in to my first apartment in a big old house my parents were there helping me. There was a gas station across the street. At some point my mom and I walked over there. We met Earl an older man who was the owner. Much to my shock my mom told Earl that she would appreciate it if he would watch out for me. I was new in town, this was my first job..Yikes!!! I was mortified! But Earl did just that for years. I would take him cookies for the early morning he and the guys had and he was always there for me.
I had a little Ford pinto. One day we had had a large snowfall and I had shoveled my way out of the driveway. But when I got back in my car the snowplow came by and I didn't see it. It pushed a ton of snow back in the bottom of my driveway as they are known to do! As I pulled out into the road I got stuck! Way up past the wheels of my little car. I was stuck...
I got out ...look in disbelief at my car and probably said a few choice words. I have blanked that part out! LOL!
I got my little shovel out and started to dig into the snow. All the sudden I heard laughter and eight men led by Earl were crossing the street. Earl told me to get out of the way. Those eight men lifted...LIFTED...my little car up and put it on the road. And then walked back across the street for more coffee! I was left standing on the sidewalk with my mouth hanging wide open in amazement!
Earl had my back...each and every time I needed help he was there. And I promise that I have your back. If you get stuck I will help you figure it out...and if you think I am stuck..let me know. Nobody has to do this alone...they simply don't. And we won't ;)