Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight

The final ingredient for my holiday recipe for a great New Year!

Okay...like Maratha Stewart... we should have all our ingredients on the counter before we start mixing up our recipe. Who knew it actually makes things easier and isn't simply a ploy to sell little mixing cups and bowls?!! 

I have often followed the other baking method...I start baking and then I realize I have no baking soda...everything comes to a halt...while I run to the store.  Not the most effective way to bake...but there is a bit of aerobic activity to my old way!  LOL!!

But this IS a new day... requiring new methods.  This time we have everything we need in front of us.  The last ingredient we need to is re-engage.

Re-engage with ourselves, re-engage with our dreams.

Life...really fully living your life can be exhausting.  Even good things can tire you.  :)  Add to that a good measure of things that suck and you can become less than engaged.  You can be tempted to sit down for a while again in the bleachers and watch other people's lives go by.

Nothing wrong with a brief break.  It puts you in touch with what is working and what isn't. And if you are coming back from any kind of "fall"...a short break is a good thing.  You can see where you are and remember where you say you want to be.  The distance should be shorter than the last time you looked and you need to take some notice of that.  It's easier to say, "I still have so far to go"...but it is actually more important to say..."Look at how far I have come!"

That "Look at how far I have come!" reflection actually can set you up to re-engage for the next year.  It can give you...and me... the motivation we need to get back off the bench and stay engagedin what we say we want. And when we stay engaged we are already guaranteeing a great year!

Because a great year to me is about being clear and being present. It's about being an active player in your own life...not a person on the sidelines waiting to see what will happen to you next. 

Active engagement is more scary because that's where you not only assume responsibility for your dreams but that's also where the risk is.  The risk that things might not happen the way you want.  That's a risk.  You put yourself out there...you are clear...you are present and then...ya got nothing...you fall short!  But here's the flipside to that risk that those of us who have taken a fall sometimes need to be reminded of...

sometimes you get it!  

Sometimes the dream is realized or something even better! 

 The light at the end of the long tunnel is truly light...

not another train coming at you! 

But if you don't re-engage you may miss it. So you must...you simply must.

I believe my recipe pretty much lays out what I think we both need to do by the end of the year to create a great New Year for 2011!  We need to re-group, re-organize and then ready to re-engage. 

And the best news...those cute little mixing bowls are totally optional! :)

My holiday recipe for a Great New Year...Ingredient #2

We are truly cooking now!  How dang exciting!

We are cooking up a recipe for a great New Year.  Only three ingredients but each builds on the base laid by the first...kind of like a layer cake.

Oh here comes a memory moment!

Remember those?  Layer cakes.  You just don't see them very often anymore. When I was a little girl my mom would make layer cakes and I thought they were simply the best.  I remember telling her once that when I grew up I would make one every day...every single day.  That's what being an adult would look like for me. 

And how many layer cakes have I made you ask?  One!!! LOL...but it was fabulous though the frosting had bits of cake in it!  Mom was more gifted than I thought!! :)

I will have time to make a layer cake this next year if I get working with the #2 ingredient in my recipe for a great New Year...reorganize.

First we are going to regroup...then we are going to reorganize.

Reorganize.  It's important. Reorganize our plans, our goals, our dreams...our living space...well heck everything. "Scattered" equals wasted energy. Okay now that has taken me awhile to embrace.  I have been a fan of clutter and stuff.  A friend of mine Rob used to say I had the ability to name every object in my house and have a relationship with it!  Well that's a stretch...but do you want to meet the stuffed bunny named Frank I had at camp???  LOL.

At some point though...less is better. You heard it here and I truly have reached a point in my life where I believe that.  Organized equals progress and I think accountability. Accountability to yourself for yourself because in the end...that's what counts the most.   Not for the sake of anything less than the very life you say you want to lead.  Pretty big incentive to get reorganized I would say.

Here's how I am doing it.  I am focusing on tossing and throwing then reorganizing what's left. The measuring stick...anything that is NOT helping me move forward into the life I say I want will find a new home.  Simple as that.  

I am using motion to move...at some point you just have to do it.  Enough looking at reorganizing systems and planning.  Just get cracking...remember brownies look good in the picture on the box...but once you start putting motion to the mix and they are out of the oven we are talking heaven!  :) (Staying with our holiday baking theme!)

So start reorganizing...because next time we get ready to re-engage.

My holiday recipe for a great New Year! Ingredient # 1...

Every recipe has a few ingredients.  That makes sense.  Chocolate chips are NOT a recipe.  They are sheer heaven on earth...but not a recipe. But add vanilla, eggs, sugar, some flour...and now we are on our way!

So in the spirit of the holiday I have a recipe to share for a great New Year. What I am mixing up to insure the best possible next year of my life.  I invite you to roll up your sleeves and get baking with me :)

First ingredient...regroup. 

Truly regroup.  I bet there is not one of us who's not a bit scattered.  We get pulled in a thousand directions by maybe not a thousand people but enough to help pull us off track and a bit out of whack.

We need to take time to regroup.  Carve out the time to regroup.  Not always easy to find the time at this time of year but if you don't take time to pull yourself together...you could be pulled apart.  And that is not a pretty picture.

Part of regrouping  means taking a look at where we have been. And where we want to go.  Sometimes we are not honest with ourselves for all sorts of reasons and then our bodies remind us.

Here's an example...I spent 11 months this past year with two 4 day exceptions working seven days a week.  They were customer contact kind of jobs and I was on my feet most of the time.  I never knew that feet could hurt so much. I have little feet and I never ever appreciated the fine job they are called on to do each and every day. They simply ached with pain for most of the 11 months...pain that would wake me up some nights.

I pushed those little feet to the edge this past year and they never let me down...not once. 

They just always reminded me each and every day that they were there and hurting.

The funny thing is this week I was sitting on the couch thinking about how I had worked like that. I was thinking "oh it wasn't that bad"...then I swear to you I stood up and I had the most incredible pain in both feet at the same time!  I had to sit back down. But I did so laughing because I took it as a sign from my body to remind me, " yes...it was that bad!"

Reinventing your history doesn't help you regroup. Reinventing takes energy. Reinventing is really about trying to fool yourself...and you don't get to your most authentic life by fooling yourself.  You simply can't.

Regrouping is about gathering your resources back in. 

Here's a tool someone told me about years ago.  I find it works.  Imagine your arms wide open and then bring them back close to you...capturing all your light and energy that has been sent out into the world. Visualize yourself gathering it back up...bringing it close to you. Close your eyes and see the light of your energy coming home to you.  Sound wacky?  If it works...who cares?!  :)

You need to gather your energy back so you are ready for Step 2.  Reorganizing!  Now it's getting good :) 

And they said we couldn't bake!!!  :)

"Just when you think you have seen it all...

there's always tomorrow!"  That's what punter Chris Kluwe tweeted after the Metrodome roof collapsed! 

You think you have seen it all...experienced it all ...and then tomorrow shows up with a new experience that can leave you shaking your head in marvel or on any given day...confusion or every emotion in between!

The Vikings and Giants were set to play yesterday in Minnesota...then the roof literally caved in! Not what they expected.  Plans had to shift...the game was cancelled...a new venue had to be found. 

Regroup, reorganize and then re-engage...(and repeat as needed.)

It is actually a pretty clear recipe for moving forward in our lives. In the spirit of holiday baking over the next three posts we will look at all three parts of this recipe to make sure we have what we need to get what we say we want...the life we are making for ourselves...no matter what is coming towards us tomorrow :)  Now we are really talking about a holiday treat!

"How many lessons are there?" I asked.

"As many as it takes to get you where you say you want to go"...was the reply that I heard.

And that's exactly what I thought.

 

 

Change is NOT for the faint of heart.

Holy smokes!  Holy smokes! Holy smokes!  That's all I can say....change is not for the faint of heart!  This must truly be why so many people talk the talk but cannot walk the walk about change.  It is freaking hard!

 Change...real change means doing things in a new way.  If you are tweaking yourself a bit...that's not change.  That's tweaking! That's cosmetic...working on the outside appearance of your life.  But I am thinking that is a heck of a lot easier than creating wholesale change in your life.

Here is what I have found in the last couple of days. I am taking big steps forward into the life I am creating... big steps. And then BOOM I am hit with this uncomfortable feeling that I cannot explain...and that I cannot shake.  I know there is something there but I cannot find the words.

Then as seems to happen these days... I am reading someones post on line and it sends me to a site I have never been to before.  The site was www.concentricbalance.com  where I read a post by Rachelle Anslyn that gave language to what I was and am experiencing but couldn't find the language for and really didn't understand.

But now I do and it has been such a gift.  Thank you Rachelle.

Her post is called  Feeling the Pain of Contraction Leads to the Joy of Expansion.  This is basically what she said...have you noticed that after you do something big...you start to retreat right after?  She says that contraction and expansion are cyclical and inevitable.  It's an on going process.

You expand and that expanding may touch on something that makes you uncomfortable...something you would rather shrink from...so you contract.  She says, "Look at what makes you want to run and hide.  What are you not doing in your life in order to stay comfortable?"

She further says, "Feeling the pain of contraction leads to the joy of expansion.  Remember this in the times when you feel the contraction because if you look at it as just a necessary cycle into the gift that is right on the other side of it, it makes the pain bearable to be with and eventually even lovable.  What are you giving birth to in your life? What are you creating?"

It explained what I was experiencing...in taking my big steps forward into the life I say I want...I have touched on an area of my life that is very difficult for me.  An area that I struggle with ...so I find it hard to talk about...hard to understand.  When I found the language thanks to Rachelle for what I have been experiencing the past couple days the flood gates burst open with all sorts of examples about why this area is such an issue for me and it has been simply exhausting to feel the contraction around "them".  I am staying with "them" though.  I am not running and hiding though I am thinking that would feel a lot better.

I am looking at each example that comes up and letting it have it's voice no matter how painful...when the examples stop flowing ...then I will look them in the eye and let them know I am not hiding from them...they are part of the fabric of my life.  But they are not my life...and they do not define me.  I do that. 

But when you are running and hiding from something that isn't always easy to understand. And it's easy to give away your power when you don't understand what's at stake.  And every time you hide from something...every time you stuff it away it takes just a bit more power from you because it is not gone...it's simply waiting to come back out sometime when you least expect it only now it has another buddy or two to add to the pile.  It's a wonder that they can even hide at all...and maybe they don't...we just like to think they do.

This is what I know for sure.  The key to getting that new life I say I want is for me to stay my course...keep taking big steps and get to the other side of whatever comes up ...whatever causes me to want to run and hide.  This area has to be dealt with...it's time in hiding is done. Easy?...hell no.  Will I do it?...oh yes.

When I was in the darkest, darkest days of my post traumatic stress I felt unsafe most days and that is a very horrible way to live.  It's exhausting and steals your soul "light".  But I came out the other side of that.  I came out into the light again and I rarely let a day go by without being grateful for getting through it.

But there is a powerful gift I was given through that experience in the darkness...a powerful gift that I need to remember...I know I can find my way through anything now if I just take it one step at a time.  And if I stay open to the idea that I will be led to exactly what I need when I need it.

Ah change...it isn't easy but it is very, very good.

 

 

Here's what I believe...the answer is out there...and

it will lead you back to you. 

There is an answer out there when you are facing something you don't understand. You know... when something just doesn't feel right but you don't know what "it" is. 

There are resources and support to help you find your answer. The key is to keep moving.  Keep your eyes open...be prepared to be led.  Seek and you will find it...and my guess is that "it" will lead you back to you.

Your job...be open to looking at where you are led.  

Next time I will give you the perfect example of what I mean.

The lightness of being me :)

There is calm after the storm and when you become very quiet you can notice a lightness too!

I am telling you it is amazing...simply amazing.

This journey I have been on...and continue to be every day... has been filled with twists and turns and enough ups and downs to make a veteran roller coaster rider lose their lunch!

But there comes a time...and maybe it is just a brief rest stop...where it becomes quiet and peace reigns.  I am smart enough to embrace this with both hands!  I noticed last night that I feel incredibly light.  Like layers of weight has been lifted one by one. 

I think that's what happens when you are in the process of an archaeological dig...as you get to what's been buried...what's underneath feels less and less weight on it. And sooner than later "it" will be free and see the light.

I am thinking that's when it will feel like floating!  :) Whoo-hoo!

There is calm after the storm...and it is good.

I have been in a whirlwind ever since I identified that I had "energy tangles" that I needed to address.  Within the space of four days...they all exploded.  Each of them...BOOM!  And the tangles were gone. And my energy was flowing :)

NOT how I would have envisioned things playing out. Not at all...but then I must have had limited vision and someone much smarter than me took over.  And I am okay with that. That's where faith comes into play and that leap of faith  you always hear about...

Remember Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ in that spinning farm house?  That would be me these past few weeks since the big BOOM.  Spinning and as a friend of mine said...I just needed to hang on until it stopped!  And it has...

Just yesterday I realized that the farm house has landed! And just like Dorothy...I walked out the door and life is different.  It feels different.  It IS different.  I have a sense of calmness and peace I have not had since...well I cannot remember... since I had it.  It just dawned on me...I have never had this kind of peace before.  Because I have never been through what I have been through before and come out the other side.

There is a sense of peace when the storm stops.  There is a sense of peace when you find your center.  There is a sense of peace when you accept that you get to choose the life you want to live. There is a sense of peace when you decide what you want that life to look like. There is a sense of peace when you start walking towards that life. There is sense of peace when you start taking those leaps of faith into thin air towards that life...

There is a sense of peace...and it is good.

Everything I need to know~I learned cleaning my garage.

I had coffee yesterday with a wonderful, gifted woman.  A woman who came into my life...our lives had skimmed each others without really meeting years ago...about a year ago. She has been someone who has walked this past year's journery with me. 

Our connecting has confirmed what I have always believed..and come to believe even more on my way back from my "fall"...that the universe or whoever you believe in puts miracles in our path everyday to guide us...to assist us... as we make our way through this maze we call life. She is one of the miracles I have been given.  And I am blessed....and more grateful than I can possibly say.

Yesterday during coffee she said that it's as if I have been on an archaeological dig into my own life this past year as I have worked on coming out of my post traumatic stress and "standing back up".  An archaeological dig!  That has stuck with me as pretty darn accurate...and I think one of my last places to "dig" has been my garage!

And what a find it has been! Archaeology is the study of past human life according to my trusty dictionary...and that's what cleaning out my garage has been.  A study quite frankly of a life of someone who has not been present in her own life. 

It was rather one discovery after another of things I did not know I had.  Things I had bought over the years and never used.  Do you know I have an extension cord on this roll up thing that you can plug in several other extension cords all at once and they would all work and the thing unrolls!!!  Who knew?!  And why in the world did I buy it because it clearly has never been used! And lord only knows what I was planning to plug in!!! Amazing...simply amazing.

I am one woman and I have at least four rakes.  Two exactly the same...that again have never been used.  It is like I had things just waiting.  Waiting to be used in someone's everyday life...yet they just sat there waiting.  I was busy being in other people's lives.  Over the years through my different work I was making sure "they" were safe, had what "they" needed, "they" were never alone...all the time the toolsfor my life...were piling up in the garage.  Year after year waiting for some time when they would get to see the light of day.  I think what happened instead was more things just joined them in the "waiting room".

I was a bit taken aback.  I was stunned at what I must have thought I would be doing and at the same time wondering what the hell I was waiting for.  What was going to be the signal to use the rake...and not forgetfully buying yet another one? What was the magic signal for planting the flowers with the six bags of potting soil I found?  Whatever the signal was...I was too focused on my role as helper girl, protector girl, work like a crazy girl to see it let alone let that signal mean anything to me if I did notice it.

It feels in this instant like being on a high speed train where you are hurdling towards a destination but all the scenery along the way is just a blur. In my case the scenery is contained in boxes and boxes of things waitingfor a life not lived.  A life where the person was not present...but continually gave the impression of arriving at some point.

Here's is what I have learned from my garage cleaning.  I do not regret a minute of the life that I have lived.  Not for a minute.  I have been present in literally thousands of lives over the past 20 to 30 years.  I believe I made a difference in a lot of those lives..if even for an instant. People were not alone.  They knew someone cared about them. Someone was present for them.  Someone had their back.  All of those interactions have made me who I am. My choice to be present for "them" was my choice.

But it came with a cost that all my stuff and I have paid.  A life un-lived in many other ways.  And the good news is...and IT IS very good news...that I am now choosing a different path.  I am front and center in my own life as I have stood back up and the dust has settled.  I am looking at what was and what wasn't and looking ahead at what will be.  And I am looking at two very different types of life. 

I don't think I will be needing four rakes in the new life I have chosen and am heading towards.

But I have made a promise to myself that if I have one rake...like everything I decide to keep...I will use it.  It's time has come and so has mine. :) The waiting room is closed.