Yikes! The day is here. I am moving out of my house and at midnight the door swings shut! A dear friend said to imagine this place as a memory vault. I should visualize leaving all the bad memories, negative stuff behind. Swing the door shut and lock it. So be it.
Tonight is the night.
I have a lot to leave behind. 2 1/2 years of dealing with post traumatic stress that I am blessed to have come out of because I almost didn't. When it first hit me like a truck I slept in a chair for weeks and weeks. I called it my magic chair. I cannot explain why but I felt safe there. A friend would call and say.."where did you sleep last night?" My answer was..."my magic chair". I love that chair. It is making the move...all the memories...not.
Since December when my life imploded I have been on a roller coaster of emotions. Not a ride I would recommend. I am leaving all that darkness and sadness behind. I am leaving the essence of the person who betrayed me behind too. And you know what? I can do that. Not to do that would mean I am carrying that energy some days sad - some days mad with me and I choose not to. So it gets left behind too.
I have learned a lot about myself and living in the last few months. I have a lot to tell you about that soon. But for now I have to unplug my computer soon and then my new phone line won't be set up until Monday. A friend will help me set up my computer and then I will be back. Until then feel free to chat amongst yourselves LOL !
And at midnight if you hear a door closing don't be worried ...ah...that would be the memory vault as it closes one last time.
I am sure I will have mixed emotions but the one I hope overrides all the rest is gratitude. I have been to hell and back and the key word there is back. I did not fight through everything I have ...some days with grace and some days not ...to continue to live with sadness and darkness and regret. I am choosing light and love and more light. I am so grateful for the chance to do that. I will not waste another minute carrying things that weigh me down. Hence when the door shuts I will let them all go with love and a smile on my face. I can do that. Oh yes I can.